Break Time

I was reading a blog the other day in which the girl was saying her church family and therapist loved the SH#* out of her. As in loved her through the muddy rough times, and wouldn't let go. My problem with that is that people say that, then let go when it gets really scary and messy.
Then where does that lead me? Even more broken than I already was.
So you have to bare with me as I don't believe you when you say you'll be there ( insert spice girl song here)

I was told I needed a break, so I went ahead and took one from twitter and facebook, mostly because my mouth/brain betray me quite often. I'm sure I'll be back. But until then I'm going to keep being honest on here because.............. its the only place I can be.

Compass- Lady A and Happyness

I've been trying to remind myself of thing that once made me happy or do and I just can tell because of my black rain cloud. I love Lady A and Garth. alot. I haven't listened to much music lately but while trying to make myself feel something besides despair I actually listened to the words of this song. :) sooooooor good.

Yea it's been a bumpy road

Roller coasters high and low

Fill the tank and drive the car

Pedal fast, pedal hard

You won't have to go that far

You want to give up cause it's dark

We're really not that far apart

So let your heart sweetheart be your compass when you're lost

And you should follow it wherever it may go

When it's all said and done you can walk instead of run

Cause no matter what you'll never be alone

Never be alone

Never be alone

Forgot directions on your way

Don't close your eyes don't be afraid

We might be crazy late at night

I can't wait til you arrive

Follow stars you'll be alright

You want to give up cause it's dark

We're really not that far apart

So let your heart sweetheart be your compass when you're lost

And you should follow it wherever it may go

When it's all said and done you can walk instead of run

Cause no matter what you'll never be alone

Never be alone

Never be alone

You want to give up cause it's dark

We're really not that far apart

So let your heart sweetheart be your compass when you're lost

And you should follow it wherever it may go

When it's all said and done you can walk instead of run

Cause no matter what you'll never be alone

Never be alone

Never be alone

When it's all said and done you can walk instead of run

Cause no matter what you'll never be alone

** warning if you want "Fluffy and Positive" stop reading here**

Its hard to function lately. I'm so busy filtering how I feel. I keep monitoring my facebook, twitter, and pinterests in order to keep other from feeling uncomfortable by my emotional crazyness. Sometimes I just want to be honest and say I hate wakeing up, I hate my job,, I cry alot lately or the complete opposite and have no feelings when I should cry, I don't like my new therapist or my old one, I avoid social situations, I have backed out of most of my bible studies and dread church because its exhausting to smile all the time. I can't tell my friends how I feel because it 'bothers'  them, heck I don't even have my best friends phone number any more, and my family has a tendency to freak out or compare their mental issues with mine which does nothing but make it worse. so I figured I could at least be honest on my blog..

Rant over... back to remembering what makes me happy.