change and sparkles

so this blog may not be intelligent or insightful but its how im feeling....

Its funny how people change, sometimes its good sometimes its bad. I personally have experience both over the past year.
When I first moved back home I heard "wow you've changed" Where is your sparkle?" "why can't you act like the Sarah I knew from high school?" I simply answered " I don't know who I am, which is why I'm trying to find myself so I'll let you know when I get there" I lost myself at somepoint of my life in Austin......

This year I have tried searching in all the wrong places, Super Sparkley Sarah wasn't in austin, she wasn't at a party with her friends, and she wasn't home alone on the couch. That Sarah has been here all along I just wasn't looking in thr right places.

God is the one person who has been with me through out everything so why didn't I turn to him first? (fear of change)
When people told me I lost my sparkle I didn't unserstand. to some I said you imagined my sparkled it wasn't there i'm just a good actress, to others whom deep down I knew they saw it at one point I would say you missed your chance I lost it.

During the weekend one of my Crazier friends said "why are you doing this? God isn't going to let you be my friend anymore" I listened stunned on the phone.. is that what people think. that because I've chosen to live my life according to Gods path that I won't be allowed to be their friend? wow I have some explaining to do..... I later told him, "hey your the one who wants my sparkle back, who wants be to be like sarah in high school... high school sarah is gone! but Super Sparkley Sarah was in church, the Word, and fellowship with other believers. You can't be angry with me for getting my life back on track.

I sat there praying that he would understand that it wasn't me saying i don't want to hang out all the time or I don't want to be around people who tempt me, it was me (sparkly sarah) saying you can do better, i can do better. and he got it I almost cried.

another person in my life hasn't been so welcomeing to me (sparkly sarah) he didn't know me before so its all new and different. He also didn't grow up in a Christian home and doesn't hold the same moral values as I do. I'm slowly trying to help him understand the change but it will take time and its a huge challenge for me to share the Word with him.

God showed me something about myself yesterday. I was reading a Christian book at work and this gyu i work with walked up and said "thats a great book" I stared at him with disbelif... in my head I was thinking "you read? you read christian books?" (i know i sounded/ looked very judgemental" i just didn't say anything. He said I expect you to read books like that but you never expected me to huh?"
It made me think alot about how I view people!

I know it was long but thanks for reading!