This weekend- August Church

When I was first approached about being apart of the church plant team I was apprehensive. I felt like I had nothing to offer plus I had just gotten comfortable and finally felt like I fit in with the people at North Village. For once since I've been in Austin I had friends. People I could enjoy the weekends and do things with without it being awkward everyone's single crap that goes on in churches these days. No longer was I spending every weekend alone in my room with a bag of chips....

I begged God not the make me leave or change when I had finally settled. Sadly after a few fits I shut up and listened.

It's not that I didn't love the church plant team, I just wanted the best of both worlds (sorry if I just got Hannah Montana in your head) and didn't want to lose my "family." I'd experienced it before after leaving Hillsong. I miss those people dearly and just don't like that feeling.

Well fast forward  through months of crazyness with jobs, cross country moves and back, emotional battles, and lots of laughs, heartache and tears.

August Church had its Charter and Commissioning service this weekend. It was powerful and emotional for me and God once again showed me just how much greater He is than I could ever imagine. Our elders were ordained, we were "sent out" with our Lights shining (candles), our Charter was signed and we were made totally official.

I also learned that my friendships here aren't based on what church I'm apart of. I had my small group supporting me from afar .  I know that God has allowed me to have the best of both worlds. I still have my friends and a new church family plus the greatest core team ever. Reid has said all along that he couldn't have hand picked a team like this and I now understand that it's just God. I feel like I finally got picked first by the best dodge ball player of all..... 

The Creator Himself. And he showed me tonight that I have the best of the best team mates.

And now pictures :)

Casey and I let worship on for our charter service hence the dressyness!

Crazy Morning

Sometimes I surprise myself with my stupidity.  

So because today is Friday I decided to make a big effort and do my hair and makeup. I mean why not  so I curled my hair the hip new way Abby taught me and make sure I looked refreshing and nice. I jammed to K-love and headed to work

At a stoplight downtown I realized I was cold.

After looking down I noticed that my legs were bare. Then trying to drive and look down I realized I was only wearing boy shorts and a tank top (pjs) To my horror I whipped into a parking lot and headed back home. By then traffic was horrible and the sun was coming up.

I straight up ran (more like shuffled) up the stairs into my apartment.  After realizing just how mortifying the whole morning was I sat in my living room floor and laughed/cried.

I then put on work appropriate clothes and headed back to the land of traffic.

I know they say some peoples brains don’t work as well as others when stressed. Considering what could have happened I’m thankful I noticed before I walked into work.

I’m going home and sleeping this evening!

"Slimming Down Sarah"

Someone told me the other day that I would never have my life under control unless I got control of my food issues.  They meant it out of love and I’ve thought a lot about it. 

When I look at the title of my blog “Slimming Down Sarah” I keep thinking there are so many other things I need to slim down before I tackle my weigh issues. My mental health is failing as much ( if not more) as my physical at the moment, as in there is no room to obsess about eating a cookie when I’m just trying to make it to the next day.  I’ve got to slim down some of the baggage I’ve been carrying around for years. I have to slim down some anger and resentment towards people in my life. I have to slim down the people in my life that do me nothing but harm. I’ve got to get some things in order before I can actually be ready to diet make a lifestyle change.

Before I left for Georgia I had a coupon for California Pizza Kitchen that you could win $100,000. When someone asked what I would do with the money the first thing I said was weight loss surgery. Get skinny then move to Australia.  How horrible is that? I didn’t think car, purchase a house or get out of debt first. 
All I could think of was skinny.

 Because if I was skinny then someone would want to marry me, and how could anyone love this fat, crazy, ball of emotion.

Its thoughts like those that I have to “Slim Down” if I’m ever going to go down the healthy path the Lord has laid out for me . Having a few cokes, or cookies, or Alfredo isn’t how I got 100+ lbs overweight…. It’s spending the past 10 years hating myself for reasons I can’t explain ( and tiny tiny bit of genetics)

                                 

In other news…

Some of you know I’m back in Austin. While I’m super proud of myself for trying something new I know that Georgia isn’t the place for me right now.

Georgia- Rain

So it's been a rainy week here in Georgia. As in it pretty much hasn't stopped.  I'm at a rodeo in Alabama sitting in the truck watching it rain and rain some more. I feel bad for laughing at the cowboys getting their trucks stuck in the mud- dad got stuck the other night and of course I got the giggles which didn't help the situation. But it was hilerious, I would love to be surrounded by cowboys covered in mud- sadly it's my dad and bro not mr mccowboy. Seriously I saw my dream man but didn't have enough guts to ask dad or will who he was and if he was married so I figured I'd admire from afar!

I'm also learning that as much as I wanted to marry a musical loving, God fearing cowboy I'm not cut out for this type of life. Some women are but I for sure am not.

I'm still not sure why God brought m out here, other than to see family. I'm still struggling with my choices and life. I know now that God isn't going to make it easy but he is wooing me. It sounded funny to me to but I can feel Him drawing me closer to Him. I had a horrible migraine yesterday and spent most of the day reading, praying or sleeping and came across 

this verse

“He is wooing you from the jaws of distress to a spacious place free from restriction......(Job 36:16 NIV)

What an awesome verse!

I have no clue what tomorrow will bring and am currently just trying to make it a day at a time but am taking comfort in the fact that I have a God who hears my prayers and loves me enough to let me go through storms of this life to come out stronger.

So I leave you with some pictures....

That's my brother and  dad you can't tell much by the picture but they look so so much alike!

Georgia on my mind....

Georgia is on my mind….

Why?!?

Cause I’m moving there on Saturday!!!!

Now is the time to place your “ how long will she make it bet” y’all. Just kidding (or am I)

I honestly have no clue why God is doing any of this but after a month of no job, no car, and no money it’s a wonderful option that lets me spend time with family and see if I can get back on my feet somewhere else. I’ve never really liked Austin and besides church and family I don’t have much of a reason to stay. So I’m going to try somewhere else.

I’ve had two songs on repeat during this “season”  Hillsongs “Oceans” and Jeff Johnson’s “Ruin Me”.
 ( look them up- soooooor good)

Ruin my life the plans I have made
Ruin desires for my own selfish gain
Destroy the idols that have taken Your place
'Till its You alone I live for,
You alone I live for.

Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders
Let me walk upon the waters
Wherever You would call me
Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander
And my faith will be made stronger
In the presence of my Savior

 

Sounds to me like I should be careful what I pray for ;)

I’m so excited to go on this new adventure. I’ve spent the past few days crying and moping but I realized how silly that is. I should be excited to go on a new adventure not mourning my stupid apartment and friends…… I have no clue where it will lead me, I may find my forever home, stay a month- forever, this may lead me back to Australia (fingers crossed), seattle, or somewhere I’ve never dreamed of living. I can only hope that I will realize what I want to do with my life and become the person that God wants me to be.  

"I'm worn even before the day begins"

As some of you know I am a struggling. I've been told (by different people) that my facebook and blog post were "too depressing", and that no one wants to read that "crap" anyways so I haven't been blogging publicly my feelings and struggles lately. I said something to someone the other day that was out of the ordinary for me but it has some truth: " I can only be me" so this is me being me....... struggling......hungry.... and worn.


I've never been a writer, most likely never will be. If I were to put into words exactly how I feel right now it would be this song  Worn- Tenth Avenue North ( maybe their whole new album)
I was going to ask a friend to help me record it, maybe because I was thinking it might make more of a difference coming from my mouth, plus Christmas is coming and my mom would flip :) but that takes effort and I'm not the most confident in my voice at the moment so this will do...



I have no job, no car, no money, lost one of my best friends for the next few years ,and as always my emotions and health are out of control. I've had tons of interviews and by tons I mean about 7 now and I'm just like crap someone let me work. I'm not even being picky. We've been talking about Spiritual Warfare in bible study and also in relation to the new church plant ( COMING SOON!!! YAYers). While I know this is just a season (a frequent one like the dust storms in Snyder), its not making it any easier when I'm walking from bus to bus trying to get to interview with enough time and washrags in my purse to stop sweating and not look like a wet rat when I get there. Don't get me wrong- I know I'm so blessed and have it 10x better than most at my lowest.
I keep thinking back to James 1:2-4 Consider it pure joy, my brothers when you face trials of many kinds... because you know that the testing of your Faith produces perseverance, Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. Contrary to popular belief I have memorized some scripture though it will most likely always be in the same category as me learning  piano and monkey bars- next to impossible
 Its comforting to think that maybe one day I will be mature- as in have my crap together.


In other news I've lost 7 lbs in the past week or so. I'd like to say it all because of my awesome workouts but I'm thinking its the dollar store diet and the fact that Austin buses are so spread out its nuts.






I'm tired
I'm worn
My heart is heavy
From the work it takes to keep on breathing

I've made mistakes
I've let my hope fail
My soul feels crushed
By the weight of this world
And I know that you can give me rest
So I cry out with all that I have left

Let me see redemption win
Let me know the struggle ends
That you can mend a heart that's frail and torn

I want to know a song can rise
From the ashes of a broken life
And all that's dead inside can be reborn
Cause I'm worn

I know I need
To lift my eyes up
But I'm too week
Life just won't let up
And I know that You can give me rest
So I cry out with all that I have left

Let me see redemption win
Let me know the struggle ends
That you can mend a heart that's frail and torn

I want to know a song can rise
From the ashes of a broken life
And all that's dead inside can be reborn
Cause I'm worn

And my prayers are wearing thin
I'm worn even before the day begins
I'm worn I've lost my will to fight
I'm worn so heaven so come and fluid my eyes

Let me see redemption win
Let me know the struggle ends
That you can mend a heart that's frail and torn

I want to know a song can rise
From the ashes of a broken life
And all that's dead inside can be reborn
Yes all that's dead inside will be reborn
Though I'm worn
Yeah I'm worn



** Contrary to popular belief I have memorized scripture though it will most likely always be in the same category as me learning  piano and monkey bars- next to impossible

date, new music and more...

I wanted to sit down and write a deeply inspiration blog…. unfortunately that’s just not where my head is at right now. I just had my greek dinner delivered to work so I figured I'd eat and clear my head

I went on a “date” the other night. It was my first in a while. Note to self.  Just because He’s a Christian and you were set up through church stuff doesn’t mean he’s not a sleaze ball. Just sayin :)

I highly recommend the new Lady Antebellum album Golden. If I still lived in Australia with all those talented folks I’m sure I’d want to cover half of them. Lucky for them I’ll just jam (cry) in my car. I cried through half of there sad songs this morning and was like man. I wish I could write like that, or write period. Big fan of “it Aint Pretty and something about the rain”

It feels like I’m running off receptionists, this week both jobs have had front desk people quit leaving everyone else to pick up the pieces. I wish there were more hours in a day.  If I could work all day at both places I would. Then maybe I could afford to live ( the way I want to) in this town.

I’m loving working at the Salon and watching people come in looking one way and leaving the next. Its making me want to look nicer and become more confident. I’ve been trying to make it to the gym or to run ( 

I walk they make laps around me) with some ladies from my bible study when I can but lately sleep is more important. I was told this afternoon that I needed to relax and calm down before I completely burn out. Which they are right but you do what you gotta do.

I’m still praying this next paycheck will be big enough for me to go to Georgia. I already have the days off but I need to make sure I can live once I get back. Its going to break my heart not to see my little brother graduate or see my Grandpa. Divorce sucks. One day I’ll be stable enough to afford to see everyone I love regularly.

I’ve been thinking about the LapBand surgery a lot lately. I feel like its cheating though… Figured I'd throw it out on my blog for some feedback?