Monday, September 9, 2013

Half Marathon

So today marks week #1 of Half Marathon training complete.

Some of you may be thinking Woah!! I didn’t know she could do that, well I might not be able to but I’m sure going to try. The truth is I love to walk. Finishing those 5ks were the most exciting, hard, and rewarding thing I’ve ever done.

Even though everyone was so encouraging during my 5k training and such, I was debating not telling the blog and facebook world about my half marathon endeavors because I could so easily fail.  Yesterday changed my mind though.

Some people from church were talking about running and doing 5ks and half marathons. The look on someone’s face when I said “yeah I’m actually in week one of my half marathon training” was priceless. 
They were obviously shocked. I think I played it off well but deep down it hurt.

 I want someone to look at me and not see just the fat girl with a black rain cloud. I guess I need to see myself as more than that before I can expect others to view me that way.

So here’s to trying, my goal is to have one (I have 2 in mind) compeleted by the end of the year :)

Saturday, September 7, 2013

just some thoughts...

Do not conform to the patterns of this world but be transformed by the renewing of your mind…
Romans 12:2

I’ve been thinking about the verse a lot lately. Maybe because if I could change one thing about myself it surprisingly wouldn’t be my weight… it would be my mind.
My mind is a battlefield. ( thanks Joyce Meyer)
This verse has come up in my Biblical Womanhood studies and some sermons/ lectures I’ve been listening to on Spiritual warfare. I know these two don’t go hand in hand but in my life they do. They are both something that I’ve chosen to not study in the past.  I know there is a battle between good and evil going on out there (& around me so it appears lately) and personally sometimes I would prefer to stay in my little bubble with my fingers in my ears rocking in the corner.
Yet sometimes I feel like I have to get up and fight. Maybe I don’t have a “quiet and gentle spirit” for a reason, someone in Oz once called me a Warrior, what the heck does that mean, should I be thankful I don’t have a husband or kids to think about right now while I get my junk in order? People used to tell me how strong I was … am I? did God make me that way for a reason?  So many thoughts and questions swirling around in my head at all times it’s exhausting. I just want to yell too much change, too much change!!!!

I’ve thought so much this week about the “ would you want to date you? Or have your future children date someone like you” I kept saying NOOO  then proceeded to write down this long list of all the reasons  why I would never date me and never be good enough for a Godly man…  
It says that satan is the Accuser (Rev 12:10) and the Father of Lies (John 8:44) well I turned back a few pages in my journal and saw a list, a giant long list of lies that I believe about myself…. Some of them have been there since childhood others I didn’t even know existed. It made me so sad to see that I don’t believe some basic truths that are listed in the bible. Instead I have this warped view of myself and assume that everyone else sees me that way too……Which is another lie from the pit of hell as my friend Jenna would say.
So here I am going way way back to basics and trying to “renew” my mind. I need to change my way of thinking on many a topic, not just biblical womanhood. Deep down I’m thankful that God didn’t leave it up to me to change myself.
Romans 12:  1-2

I heard (does listening to an online lecture mean I heard it? I couldn’t think of the correct word to use here) Mark Driscoll say Satans lies don’t have to be true to destroy, they just have to be believed. What lies do you believe about yourself right now?