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Monday, December 31, 2012

Typical New Years Post!


As I lay in bed last night, like I always do the night before I see my Dad, I started thinking about the New Year.   I’m not big on resolutions because quite frankly I haven’t “Finished” much in my life. Why make a verbal vow that I doubt I can keep? its kinda pointless to me and I just set myself up for some let downs! I did however keep a vow I made to myself and that is something to celebrate.  I completed THREE 5k’s this year!!!!!!!!!!  Despite being in a pit of depression and emotional bull crap. I finished them.  People ask why I enjoy them so much and I fianlly realized that each time I'm proving to myself and body that I can do something that my mind tells me I can't. My mind is my worst enemy.....I’m also steadily on medicine, something I never wished or wanted to do but am now mature enough to do so. I made some difficult changes and even jumped head first into living on my own. God has taught me so much about myself this year. Why wouldn’t I celebrate that and look forward to what’s coming next!

If I were a resolution making person they would be something like.

Read the Bible front to back

Bake a cake – rolled over from last year

Half Marathon!!!

Rock the grey hair no matter how bad it gets!

Get some financial peace

Fall in love again…….

Tuesday, November 6, 2012

I've Moved!

 
 
I've been trying to write this for a week now!
 
 
I've MOVED!!



I now live in my own 1 bedroom apartment half a mile from my work!
I can walk in 11 mins and thats with a drink stop!
It was a total God thing the way it all went down, God said "here, have a Blessing Bomb"
With that being said still cound use prayers for a part time job or something to change in the mulah world:)

Lots of changes going on with me, new friends, new me, new medicine, losing friends, missing people, new goals, lots of junk!


I have 5 months before my first half marathon! I've been training some in the gym and hoping my 3 flights of stairs a day will add some ump... Because this is my blog and I can be honest I'll tell you I've eaten crap, mostly because its cheaper ( until I get better at planning) and partly because somedays I don't have the will power to not emotional eat- like this morning.  But I'm further than I was 8 months ago and that is key!

Worship is starting to itch at me again, the need to just be completely free in front of the Lord. To sing His praises at the top of my lungs and not care how it sounds, who hears, and if my flab is hanging out. I admitted to some folks that while I'm up there on Sunday that I don't know why but I just can't give all of myself. I did in worship off state on Sunday but all that came out was pure emotion and tons of tears. Maybe thats why I can't on state. Anywhooo.... I'm learning, trying, praying, and growing in this area.

Like I said- lots of changes!
Hopefully blogging more and keeping you updated on my workouts will be one of them!!!

Tuesday, September 25, 2012

I DID IT!!! 50:04


I can't do it I said to Savahna as we are nearing the crowd of people cheering loudly. My body hurt, I couldn't breath or see. Don’t fall, your doing this for a wonderful cause,  don’t fall, stop crying, don’t fall was all that was crossing my mind when I stepped over the finish line.

This is the best worst picture I've ever taken!

 

Thank you JESUS I DID IT!!!

 

50:04

 

I did it!!!

 

I knew going in that I'm not in a movie, I'm not a Disney princess so my mommy and Greg and all of my friends weren’t suddenly going to appear at the finish line. But because they weren’t there it meant so much more.

 

I did it. ( all GOD)

 

If you have spent any amount of time with me then you know I have some self image issues. So it's no surprise that the morning of the race up until the last minute I didn't think  I was going to make it. I know some of you are rolling you eyes and saying things like oh you were fine but seriously y'all I still can't believe that happened! I asked my mom if I was dreaming and was going to wake up and have to do it all over again! These past 6 months have not been the best and it just amazes me what the lord can do!

 

God made me realize the strength I have in Him this weekend. He knew exactly who I needed there and why, ( love you Savahna)

 

 
 
 
 
 
 
 This weekend brought new meaning to Philippians 4:13 for me!
 


 


Saturday, September 22, 2012

Night before my first 5k!

Gosh I've been neglecting my blog. Partially because when I gave my blog a makeover and started on this journey I thought I'd be "smaller, lighter, faster" than I am now, Like the isarah5. Sadly I weigh more than I did then and am not near where I thought I was going to be 6 months ago. But thats okay.  My 5k is in 8 hours and of course I can't sleep and junk, because nerves just plain stink!


When I went into Lukes Locker to pick up my registration packet I was so overwhelmed with emotion. If you know me then you know I'm always emotional so this shouldn't come as much of a surprise .Especially after spending the day on a date with God ( yeah ask me later ) I want nothing more than to complete that 5k tomorrow and keep on going. Is this your first 5k they said? I was like goodness is it that obvious!! It was such an honor to tell those complete strangers why I am choosing this as my first 5k. And I left that store not embarrassed because I'm going to be the only girl in a men's shirt because they didn't have my size but because I've stuck to my word. I'm going to finish that race tomorrow and God is going to use this in a big way. My friend Jenna compared this adventure as a pilgrimage! Can't wait to see what happens :) I'm also super thankful my friend Savahna chose to come do this with me- more on that tomorrow!

7 months ago best friend and someone I truly care about made the decision to enter a year and a half  rehab program. Before he left he encouraged me to make some changes too. So what better way to attmpt a new and healthy life than to honor him with this first run. I miss him tons and wish more than anything that he was here today/tomorrow. We rarely get to talk besides me sending letters but thankfully the Lord knows what I need and I got to talk to him for about 10 mins on friday! Such an encouragement to make a difference while I'm out here in the real world.

September is National recovery month and even though its almost over I encourage you to check it out. My little bag I got says, Prevention works, Treatment is effective, and people recover. Those 3 statements were quite powerful to me.  Because Alcoholism doesn't run in my family and I grew up ( thankfully) sheltered I've had to do lost of research about alcoholism in the past year or so. Recovery is something that we should all be aware of, not just from Drugs and Alcohol but also our sin and junk that crowds our hearts. I've been reading and listening to lots of Podcasts about the heart lately thanks to my new bible-study **shoutout Team Black Hearts** Anyways we are all in some form of recovery.

 So I'm not just running tomorrow for his recovery.
 I'm running for my own. 



 

Saturday, September 8, 2012

Life like a commercial...

I fell off the blogging wagon.
I should make excuses but I'm going to.
"Why did you fall off the blogging wagon Sarah?"


Depression. (and traffic) I feel like Im in a Cymbalta commercial. " Depression Hurts" "Where does depression hurt?"
EVERYWHERE YOU STUPID COMMERCIAL- Insert rage here:)
Seriously that commercial and the Ambilify one ( with the blue robe) Can explain how I feel way better than me.

This is week three of me on an Anti- Depressant.
I'm allowing the Lord to work through the medicine to help level out my emotions.

I have 15 Days until my 5k.
I am way way way way way WAY behind.

I'm going to do it anyways. I don't care how much it cost or how long it takes me. I will cross the finish line one way or another.

This " Run for Recovery" is my way of saying I love you and I care.
So I will cross the finish line.

I walked about 2 miles yesterday and Thursday! Then got up this morning and walked then did some P 90!
so we are on the right tract.
(I then went to the doughnut shop to surprise my aunt... but thats okay.)

I got this yesterday from a dear friend and just wanted to share.

I ask God: take away my habit. God said no: its not for me to take away, but for you to give up.
I ask God: grant me patience. God said no: patience is a by product of tribulations it is not granted, it is learned.
I ask God: spare me pain. God said no: suffering draws you apart from worldly cares & brings you closer to me.
I ask God: make my spirit grow. God said no: you must grow on your own. But I will prune you to make you fruitful.
I ask God: for all things that I may enjoy life. God said no: I will give you life, so that you may enjoy all things.
I ask God: help me love others as much as You love me. God said "ahhh" finally you have the idea!
 


Friday, August 3, 2012

Weight, Happiness, and Throwback Thursday!


When thinking about my biggest loser casting call questions I paniced when I saw does your weight effect your happiness. I started thinking back to the best days of my life and if my weight was on my mind at all. Last night in search of “Throwback Thursday” pictures I realized when I saw some of them how much hindsight is 20/20 but no, Some of my happiest moments in life up to date my weight was not on my mind.



I could blog for days about happy moments but I’ll only give a few J

So, after heartbreak in the drama universe, some due to my weight and lack of talent in the sight-reading world I threw everything I had into poultry. I had to make David proud, he was like my Dad and had done so so much for me.  My notebook of chicken information was just the thing to take my mind of drama, and boys. Thinking back now I laugh at how much I just wanted to prove myself to the ag guys. I would never  be state officer but I could grade an egg better than most. State completion went awfully, I was upset at the way I had performered. I’m pretty sure David knew my disappointment with the look on my face when I got back on the bus. Little did I know that I was about to be the First High Individual in Poultry judging. Which in “Sarah Terms” meant I was the best chicken judger in the state that year.
Sadly our team came in second which meant I had no way of competing at Nationals but… I’m sure I could have taken that too ;) Here in this picture was one of the happiest days of my high school Career. I had proven myself and made David Proud.





These are my girls. We dreamed since Jr High about days spent in New York, Central Park, Times square ect. Sadly Blake wasn’t in choir so our dreams of all going to NYC busted….. BUT!!!!! Exceptions were made and money was dished out. And there we were! The little girls who had grown up supporting, fighting, hating, loving, sharing life and love with each other. We did it, we were in Central park, together. That my friends was a dream come true. Was I thinking about how I’m the biggest in the group at that point? NO WAY! I was just happy to be there. But I will forever be slightly mad at Michael for not telling us Blakes eyes were closed.



I’m pretty sure this is my 21st birthday, Was I worried about my weight then? Heck no.  Contrary to believe unless Abby and I are in Swim Suits I forget that we aren’t the same little girls who hung out in 5th grade. I don’t think about the fact that I weigh about 125 lbs more than her at the moment.  Always good times with the Abster ( and now Matt)



My Dad came to my Graduation. NUFF SAID


Brandon came to my going away dinner, at church. He wasn’t to found of my church but sucked it up with my family and came anyway. Am I worried about how awful my chins look in this picture? Heck no! I’m just excited He’s there.




AUSTRALIA- Am I worried about my weight here, while I’m petting a Wallaroo. NO.



No

No



Why has it been drilled in my head that my weight defines my happiness. I don’t know how this happened over the years but It has. My weight does not define me. 

Do I want it to change? YES

Do I want to be Healthy? YES

Do I want to knock a certain few people off their feet next time I see them? YES

But does that mean I should let my weight define me? NO

I need to change my way of thinking and get my rear in gear.



Thursday, July 26, 2012

Sappy Love Songs

But if you ever get lonely and you miss me,
If you need someone to listen.
Even if it’s only the sound of someone’s voice who loves you
If that you need to hear, you know where to find me
If you ever get lonely.

-Love and Theft

Good song



So don't try to tell me I'll stop hurting
And don't try to tell me she ain't worth it

Cause you don't know her like I do

You'll never understand
You don't know we've been through
That girl's my best friend
And there's no way you're gonna help me
She's the only one who can
No, you don't know how much I've got to lose
You don't know her like I do
- Brantley Gilbert




I dont know why I'm spending my Thursday night being a loser. Maybe I'm just in a "I miss" mood listening to sappy love songs. I should be young and carefree but instead im sitting on my bed writing to what seems like no one. Ugh. I need a tougher heart!

Tuesday, July 24, 2012

Back on the Bandwagon

Well I jumped off the Bandwagon. Like took a leap from the wagon into a giant pool of Dr Pepper and fried food. I know that sounds appealing to all of yall :)

Anyways now I'm back. I have about 2 Months until my 5k journeys begin and I think Im a crazy person.

Many of you have been asking about the biggest loser. No I didn't receive a call back but honestly once I was in line I knew that I wouldn't. I knew that I needed to be there and experience the process for God to show me some things, Not so I could compete and win $250,000  fall in love and have babies.- which is always the end goal JKJK

This is from my journal while I was sitting in line.

I'm sitting in line with one of the most beautiful girls I've ever seen. I was going to give her, her sister and her mom a ride when I saw them walking a few blocks but when I got closer I was like no way I don't want to be next to her when I audition. So who am I in line with, the pretty one.
I was so overcome with emotion driving up to the venue today because of the line. The wheel chairs, walkers, canes for people my age. The grandmas and grandpas who can't hold their Grandchildren. The moms who can't chase their kids around.... Am I selfish for wanting to be here? So many people need to be here more than me, if i wasn't so tired I'd just drive home. People will think I've failed though. You never know if you don't try I guess, but I've proven I can loose the weight alone I just wanted to have fun and win some money on top of getting healthy. I've already had multiple comments in line of why are you here, your not that big. I told one lady but I bet I weigh more than you. Everyone carries their weight differently and guess what? I weight 14 lbs more than her.

I was talking to some people and said Gosh I have so much nervous energy I could go run around the block. The same lady I was discussing my weight with said "B&$*% if you can run around the block then you need to get out of line"  Gosh, was she right? Do I need to be here or do I just need to stop being lazy. I have some will power. I have support and if I'd stop buying Starbucks I might even could afford a gym. Why am I here? Lord please show me why I'm here, How I got this way and How I can loose the weight, be healthy, and not loose sight of You. Why am I here?


I was there because God needed to show me what my future might look like if I didn't get off my rear. I was there so that I could enjoy the experience.



Anyways. We live in Kyle now.

144 Marquitos Drive
Kyle, Texas 78640

I have not quite adjusted to the commute yet, Its about the same distance but I'm in IH35 traffic and there is no way around it, to make matters worse it differs. I never know if I'm going to spend 30-60 mins in the car each way. Oh well! More time to jam I guess. I'll adjust and figure out how to best manage my Road Rage and stress while in the car- Thanks dad. one of the many things I got from him like my lack of rear and chins ;)

Anyways all if well I  should be blogging more now :)

Tuesday, July 10, 2012

Greg and Aunt Jerilynn's Birthdays!

Today and Tomorrow are two of the coolest people I knows birthdays!



My Aunt has always spoiled me with Garth Brooks Tickets, Trips, Games, lots and lots of food both when I was young and now old! She has graciously opened her home and fridge to me (Twice now) and all of my friends no matter what! She is the most caring and thoughtful person I know.
I'm so grateful she shares her babies with me so that I too can have someone greet me when I get home
I can't thank her enough for all that she does for me.



After meeting Greg he quickly became my best friend here in Austin. He delt with lots and lots of tears and crazyness on my part. He made me laugh, made me cry, and even made me food a few times. He loves my cooking even when its bad and is about the only person who can beat me at the music game in the car. I honestly didn't realize how much I truley cared for him until after things had changed and he wasn't in Austin anymore. I miss him terribly but know that he is right where God wants Him. Landing in Dallas this weekend was some what emotional for me to know that I was so close yet so far away from my bestfriend!  Happy Birthday Grego. I miss you like crazy.


Tuesday, July 3, 2012

Homesick- Snyder, Sydney, and Savannah

Its about 3:00 AM now and I can't sleep. I got up for water around 2:30 and tripped over a box in the living room waking the whole house making a ruckus. I guess this is hows its going to be for awhile. I hate waking people up, its killing me not to go lay in the bathtub but I don't want to wake anyone up again. booo thin walls and living with other people. I know thats a silly goal to have by one day I'll be able to take a bath at 3 without feeling guilty about who I wake up, I know they wouldn't care but I feel bad.

I'm homesick like no bodys business. I have turned into a 6 year old girl with anxiety and emotions coming from all levels for lots of people from lots of places, mostly Snyder, Sydney, and Savannah.

Tonight while Skyping with my mom I was crying and begging her to plan and save so that we could both go home for the 4th next year. All the while laughing at my self saying I needed to suck it up.
What 25 year old crys about not doing something, then I realized my 49 year old mother was upset too. Maybe its just the 4th in snyder. Since my cry fest I've seen 3 other posts on facebook about people doing the same thing. Snyder goes all out for the 4th. My friend Blake and I decided when we were little no matter how famous we got we would always come home from the 4th. Now here I am 25 and NOT famous crying about it. I know I could just get in the car and drive home for the day but i know it wont be the same. Not without Brandon and my mom. Those are my 4th buddies. I've watched the fireworks with them and Coach Porter for as long as I can remember.

Hillsong Conference started yesterday. Those guys have been on my heart like crazy, so I figured I'd watch a little backstage action when I saw JARED walk by the screen. Imagine my suprise when he texted and said he had to go by again... I got to see him TWICE. It was so funny, I half laughing half crying ran in there and told my aunt and g-ma who probably thought I was crazy but It was a nice pick me up for me! I've always been a firm believer that God helps me out with the little things! Now if God could just allow me to bump into another friend while in DFW in a few weeks it will be all good :) WINK WINK HINT HINT GOD lol.

My little sister (who lives in Savannah, GA) had a car accident today. Thankfully she is okay but it could have been bad. I saw the picture of her car on FB, then started reading and panicked before I could finish the sentence about her being okay. Shes a lucky one! It made me think about how short life is thought, and how blessed we are. I need to get on a plane. I need to stop worrying about money and believe that God will take care of that need. Hes put them on my heart for awhile now and I can't seem to find the time or the money to go visit. Ive always felt like a crappy sister/friend/daughter/granddaughter because I just can't go see them whenever I please.





Saturday, June 30, 2012

The Fighter-


 The Fighter- Gym Class Heroes

I heard this song on the radio the other day and it just brought me to tears. I thought of so many people I know who are fighters Granted I don't know any olympic hopefuls or boxers or "real" fighters but I know some fighters. 

I know people who are fighting addictions. I know the single moms  who are fighting to keep food on the table for the children. People fighting illness and for their lives. I know people who are fighting their sins and trying to live their life for the Lord. I know hopeful parents fighting to have a child. GLBT's fighting for rights. I know people fighting to keep their marriage despite all the cheating and lies in this world. Men fighting to be Courageous for their wives and families. The young women and girls who are being trafficked are fighting to stay alive. The Orphans who are fighting for a chance at life. There are people "fighting" all around us.  All over the World. Even people like me who are simply fighting the Fatness.


This song may not touch you the way it touched me but I figured I'd share anyways


Sunday, June 24, 2012

I need to blog...

"I need to blog" I keep telling myself.
 I need to tell them I gained more weight and just didn't care this week again.
 I needed blog about ordering a pizza and eating part and throwing the rest of it, and money in the trash, because of guilt.
I need to admit that I've had 2 Dr. Peppers this weekend because I needed a caffiene rush to get some stuff done. I know that dr. peppers are my own personal crack and I'm an idoit for drinking not only one but two. I was just stupid. My moms on day two, I can't have my mother beating me.

Yesterday we were sitting at lunch and my aunt said " you know if you don't get on the biggest loser you are going back on your diet" I was like  " I did fine by myself".... I just dont care.


That got me thinking about why I didn't care. At some point in the past 2 weeks I just stopped caring about myself. I haven't felt good for the past month, my emotions have been up and down and I just don't care... I seem to care about everyone around me but just don't care about myself.

Today and yesterday I did great with my eating but by the time I get home I'm so exhausted I just want to sleep. Tonight I was just going to go to bed without eating because I didn't want to cook or clean or mess up the kitchen. I sat in my room for two hours thinking I could actually go to bed without eating. So I did what I do best... Went to McDonald's!

After a small argument this evening I realized that's it's not really that I don't care it's just caring takes effort and I've seemed to loose all mine extra effort. I realize now reading/writing this that I sound like a walking "depression" hurts commercial, so if your one of those positive only supporters, never fear the positive is coming ;) and I'll be happy sunshine and rainbows soon... I hope.

These verses have been on my ever so worn out heart this week!

Whoever pursues righteousness and love finds life, prosperity and honor. (Proverbs 21:21 TNIV)
I guess I should pursue more ;)

Am I now trying to win human approval, or God’s approval? Or am I trying to please people? If I were still trying to please people, I would not be a servant of Christ. (Galatians 1:10 TNIV)



Monday, June 18, 2012

Jared and Jess


Jess and Jared. No they arn't dating.
Its been more than a year since I've seen these two. They were the first people I met when I got to Oz. They were also the first friends I made after a trip to ikea I knew I had to get to know them. They were there for me through one of the roughest times in my life. The wasted their gas on drs appointments and trips to the hospital. They took me to the beach when ever I wanted and many trips to the mall so I could have McDonald. I never knew how much of an impact they would make on my life. I love them so much and miss them HEAPS.
Today/Tomorrow is their birthdays

I wish I were there to make a Giant Meal of Vegetarian favorites! I'm so blessed to have them in my life! I was lucky to know them and they taught me so much in the sort time I was there. They are going to make some people super happy one day. Any man that wins Jess's heart will be lucky to have her! Same for Jared, Ladies hes a sweetheart under all that hair!

So Happy Birthday Jess and Jared. I miss you more than you know!

First Beach Trip!

Last Beach Trip



Our first picture. I was looking rough, I had no sleep, no mattress, and no luggage at this point. Day 2 in Australia!

I miss the beach trips!

Friday, June 15, 2012

Philippians 1:3, 4 lbs lost, and my usual ramblings



Gosh I can’t believe it’s been a week since I blogged. Blogging is such a stress relief I’m surprised I haven’t done more of it lately. 

4lbs lost this week! 2 lbs to go to be back at where I was, I never dreamed I could gain weight so fast. Oops

 I went ahead and did step one of the biggest loser process… now to make a video  and actually show up at the casting call. I know it sounds silly for me to keep bringing it up but I’ve really been praying if God can use me and teach me in such a crazy way then so be it. If not I’ll just keep on my quest for a 5k though its much harder lately. I need to make more time to run/walk/jog but I’m just so tired. I finally watched some TV last night from last week and I’m not usually like that. I went all week last night without turning the TV on. Woah.

I almost died my hair the other night. I know its so silly but my grays are coming out in full force. I figure I’ll just go with it a little longer. My hair is just starting to look normal again and I’m itching to cut or color it. I feel like its an easy way to make a change to my outward appearance. I’ve been reading “ The Confident Woman Devotional” its been helping somewhat. I’m just in a funk. I can’t hear God. I know He is there but I feel like He’s saying I’ve given you the tools make the right decisions.  I also feel like God has put people in my life for a reason so I should probably  take advantage of these women.

I’m supposed to have my first week on the praise team on Sunday. Words can’t explain how excited I am to be singing again. Not that I don’t worship at church, in my car, at work ect.. but it’s different. I’m sad I can’t see some of my family that’s meeting at my PaPa’s but I NEED to sing lol. It means a ton to me that so many people in this new church support me without knowing me. I mean they know me now but they don't know know me. I was at a women's bible study last night and just started crying in the middle of discussion on Philippians. No reason just tears. I felt like a fool but no one said anything thank goodness. I was reading Philippians 1:3 I thank God every time I remember you. That is most likely what did it also because we had to read it over and over. Maybe I'll use that as my verse on Greg's quilt. It was awesome for me to see the love that Paul had for these people, his friends in Christ, in his letter.
I’ve been dealing with the person I feel that’s inside of me and how I need to get there. How can I be a better version of myself? The Woman that God made me. Not the woman that so and so wants, or who I think I should be, who my family wants me to be, how I could find a husband or get someone to love me. The person that God made me to be, I want to be her.

Wednesday, June 6, 2012

Blood Pressure and The Biggest Loser.

I'm so mad at myself right now!
 I have felt awful for the past week and didn't think that eating whatever this weekend and a few sweet teas would effect me this much. I've had a horrendous headache for the past two days ,yes mom I've taken medicine, and nothing seems to work. Tonight after a bubble bath I looked over and saw my blood pressure machine.

DUH

I stopped taking my medicine a few months ago, I wasn't having problems so I stopped taking it. Yes I know thats how medicine works and that I wasn't having the problems because the medicine was doing its job. Most likely my incredibly high salt intake and not caring about my weight journey may have something to do with it...

I've hated medicine my whole life. I just don't want to be one of those people who can't live without it, yet I also don't want to be miserable. I guess I shall get my butt back in gear and start it again. I mean its a water pill its not like its half crack, though I feel so bad right now it would help.

I want/ed to be on the Biggest Loser. Like BAD especially if it was biggest loser couples- yall know watching my mom and I cry and fight to the death would be good tv. Yall know that!. This week when mentioned it on FB I was surprised at the negative comments, I felt like I was getting hardly any support ( 3 people said DO IT.), when in fact that's what people were trying to do, support me and let me know when I wasn't making wise decisions I guess. Maybe my brain was on skinny skinny skinny skinny, $250,000, health, adventure, excitement and a shot at happiness. Instead of bills bills bills, my job, my car, the dogs, my future, tabloids, my past, my family, ect....My aunt ask me last night if I would be willing to give up my new job( which I love) to be on the show. I said yes, I would give up everything and would have too if I got on.
 I guess its alot to think about and with so many people against it Ill just put that dream on the back burner where it belongs. Maybe later when I'm more stable I'll get that one back out.

Until then its back on the health kick and  BP medicine I go, maybe one day I'll even get some to help my moods, until then I'll just whine and complain on my blog ;)

Monday, June 4, 2012

Thank God for Hometowns...

 I can't believe I didn't blog this sooner.
But I now am the proud owner of a Honda CRV, and I will make that car payment with my extra money for becoming FULL TIME at the Land Surveying Company so thank you for those of you who prayed! It was all God and I'm so very blessed!

I had the best weekend. If you haven’t heard Carrie Underwood’s “ Thank God for Small Towns” I highly suggest you click the link and listen. I heard it for the first time packing Thursday night and it set the tune for the weekend!

My new friend LETA (pronounced leeeeeeeta) and I hit the road in my new car (Shaniqua), about 7 Friday night set for Sny-town. We had a mission of help aunt Peggy for Sat and eat Spanish Inn.
I love the drive, It was hilarious to watch Leta freak about the windmills and me about the deer. Did you know that if you stick your hands out of the sunroof going 70 that when bugs it your hand it stings? We found this out the hard way, more than once!


We crashed at Mr. Bowens house  ( Thanks Beth) when we arrived it was about 90 in the house so we turned on the air and we to Wal-mart for some late night fun.  What else is there to do?



Saturday for lunch we had SPANISH INN. I do realize that some people HATE that place (Brandon and aunt JB) but I don’t. Its what I grew up on and compare everywhere in Austin to Spanish Inn. Not smart. I told Leta before you are either going to love it or hate it… guess what?

SHE HATED IT… I was sad until I realized I could eat hers and Casey’s leftovers J

I had such a good time working at Aunt Peggy’s. I know it sounds silly, but seriously we had fun until I got a bug bite in a not so friendly place… then my fun was over! I love learning about my family, the town history and everything else from aunt Peg. She is so full of knowledge and I just hope that I can one day be as wonderful as she is!



Sat night we picked up Samantha B in bigspring and headed to meet Brandon in Midland. I can’t be that close to him and not go see him, the drive wasn’t so bad. I’m lucky to have friends that last! Lucky for me I even had to see Officer Thompson. I gave Tyler a hug and said “ Oh MY GOSH you wear a vest?”  ‘yes sarah, people shoot at me , I’m a police officer”  I then of course asked for a picture which he was skeptical but still gave it to me, Why? Because I’m sarah, and was there with my Tyler and Brandon. For a min I just stood there and couldn’t help but be thankful for the way things turned out. Thankful that they were in my AG class in 9th grade and that we are able to see each other now at 25. They are so grown up, Tyler a cop, Brandon a Pilot, and me a loser. Just kidding, I know I’m not but I’m just so roud of them. I got to see an old friend Tye, whose all grown up and has a house now too. Gosh I felt behind of the game but once again thankful for these friends in my life.



Poor Leta had to hear about my life history and met so many people.

Church- I missed Home. FBC Snyder will always be my home, I’ve had some of the best and worst times of my life in that church. I love the people, they are family. It was amazing how many of them read this blog or facebook and were encouraging me on my journeys. I was slightly emotional, what did you expect? so I'm sorry if you saw me cry the whole service. I was overcome with Joy while standing in the choir loft watching the "family" I once new be so joyful and raise their hands in worship. I couldn't control the tears, luckily those that know me reminded me to take tissue with me on stage lol. I'm jealous I'm not there and don't know the new worship pastors very well, He and his wife were awesome. I would still follow Jim or the Treveys anywhere ;)





Oh well I guess all thats left is pictures!!!











Wednesday, May 30, 2012

Cars and Heat.

I'm writing this because I needed something to do while I cool down before showering. I hate taking a shower and then your still sweating when you get out. I know I'm quite picky.

Why in the world did I think I could "train" for a 5k in the summer, I mean really Sarah, you can hardly function if its more than 73! What made me think I could do this?

I started sweating bullets in my warm up walk this morning. It was like I was breathing in clouds and sticky death. not okay.  I only 3/4 of my way through the work out before I gave up and came back to the house. I was laying on the tile floor, yes I turn into a dog and love the floor, waiting to cool down when I thought oh I wonder how hot it is out. 76!!!!! I started at 5:45, why is it so hot so early.
I'm starting to think I should move to the great north, or obtain another gym membership that I can't afford and will just murder my already unstable finances.

Speaking of finances, Please pray for another part-time job or that mine would become full time. I'm almost breaking even by working the part-time as apposed to my full time which would be so so great if I could get another part-timer. I'm know that the Lord hears my prayers and I just need some doors to open. :)

Did I mention a car too? my car is on its last leg which means we need to do something ASAP. But who is going to sale a car to someone who just has a part time job, I make more money in the end I keep telling them, but they don't care that you worked for nothing at your full time job so you went and got a part-timer that paid lots more, car folks dont care. They look at your credit and smile and say "HAHA sarah, you shouldn't have crapped away the past 8 years of your life. Figuring out what you want to do and traveling the world" " you should have your masters degree in something you strongly dislike by now and be comfortable living in misery in your giant house with high payments, no husband, no kids and no life because you hate your job" They don't say that, really they just smile, but I know its what they are thinking! So if your one of those people who believe in praying for silly things, I'd really like a Honda CRV ( any color but blue) under 10,000 without a Co-signer.



Its weeks like this I want to hop on a plane and go to Oz, but that's how we got here in the first place, time for me to be an adult.


Sunday, May 27, 2012

" this plant needs extra care"

As some of you may know I'm house sitting for Mrs Bridges aka the Abster this weekend. So after a killer 2 mile walk/jog I was sitting on her back porch having some water ( I wish I could say coffee). I was looking at her freshly watered plants thinking about their beauty and life.

I'm not a plant person. I took after my mom and have a black thumb... she would kill Beth's plants and I kill Abby's. Its life.  I could see the hesitation when Abby was showing me how and which ones need watering. Yes Yall I need special instructions when it comes to plants. I didn't want to be like" remember when you went on your honeymoon.... then we went under super water restrictions so I didn't water as much and get yall find but instead I  killed your whole backyard and porch of awesomeness" yeah......

I have been super proud of myself since being here. I'm taking time and caring for each plant, the dogs and even myself. I've walked almost every morning, eaten at home every night but one, and besides watching all of Game of Thrones season 2 in a night I've been somewhat productive; just over all being a super responsible grown up, I got paid friday and haven't even touched it, granted it all goes straight to bills but that's another story...

Anyways plants. Back to plants. Not rabbit trails ...

The other night Abby said "this one needs extra care, I'm nursing it back to health, it got blown around in the move" This morning while watering that plant I couldn't help but thing about my Heavenly Father saying that about me.  " This one needs extra care, shes fragile, shes gotten blown around in the move", or life for that matter...

I feel like God is slowly nursing me back to health. 

I may need extra watering, extra time, before I'm normal and can live with the rest of the plants in peace on the back porch. Sometimes I may need to be brought in during a bad storm even though the other plants are "strong enough" to stand the weather. Some plants can be temperamental and emotional when faced with a new climate or change. I've always sworn I'd rather be single my whole life than be divorced... maybe God needs some more time to water my future husband and I to make sure we have a strong relationship.  I don't want to meet my future husband or find my dream career a sick, wilted, blown around plant. I want to be loved and cared for until I'm healthy and strong enough to withstand the weather.

1 Corinthians 2:9
But, as it is written, “What no eye has seen, nor ear heard, nor the heart of man imagined, what God has prepared for those who love him”

I ironically had this song in my head which I think fits perfectly with how I'm feeling this morning.


No eye has seen
No ear has heard
The depths of Your love, Lord
No mind can fathom
The love You deserve
How great You are

 


Friday, May 25, 2012

20 lbs and a magical light switch....

Lately I've found my self hoping, wishing and praying for a magical light switch. One that could turn off my emotions, make me a runner, even help me fall out of love. I know that this light switch is an imaginary combination of time and hard work. Both things I struggle with.

They say absence makes the heart grow fonder... personally I think it just makes it hurt worse. Absence just stinks. I've tried to do everything possible to keep my mind off of things but it just isn't working this week. My heart it just all sorts of jumbled. I'm one of those I'm happy if your happy kind of people so I guess I'll just keep praying about happiness. Ive found myself praying the "if its not Your will please take it away painlessly, please" a silly prayer that usually ends in pain and gut wrenching torture. The last time I prayed that I came kicking and screaming home from Australia...

I'm sick of people thinking I'm losing weight for said person that I miss so much..... I'm not. ... sure sometimes its easier to keep going or get up with the thought of looking like a better version of myself but that's not why I'm doing it. If you don't loose weight for yourself it will never stay off.

 I know lately all I've done on here is gripe. I'm trying so hard to be a responsible adult but lately I feel like I've been kicked while I'm down, especially in the job/money world. I desperately need another job and have been searching like crazy the past few days. Whenever I say something about two jobs most of the people I'm around keep telling me the whole I worked two jobs for my children ect. I found myself saying well if I had kids I'm sure I'd have more motivation but student loans.. no thanks. When I was 18 I didn't think I'd be 25 and trying to get a second job to help pay for my LACK of degree. Sure I have wonderful life experience but that doesn't help me much in the real world.

God has allowed me to go so many places and do so many things in life I should be thankful for what I have and realize that each day is a gift. Even if I don't have the guy I love (yet), my own place, a college degree, and more airline rewards points, "I still have a reason to sing, I have a reason to worship"



Did I mention that the scale says I've lost 20 lbs today!!! 20, I've been so wrapped up in my emotions and junk I couldn't even be happy for myself .... Its taken me a good 6 hours to even mention it on facebook for fear that its not noticeable or something of that matter... you should notice 20 lbs right?


Wednesday, May 23, 2012

4 Months and counting......

Something happened yesterday while I was walking..... I started counting and realized my first 5k was in 4 MONTHS Y'all! I started to panic. Have I been saying "I'm going to run a 5k in 6 months" for two months now? I thought I had more time. I neeeeeed more time.

I actually don't. I just need to get my rear in gear. Yesterday was good. I burnt off the majority of calories I consumed and got in about 3 miles of walking and jogging.  I can't RUN for more than a min right now without doubling over in pain or hurling in the bushes, but I have faith that I'll get there.

I've also tossed around the idea of just walking the "run for recovery" and saving my super awesome runner one for Snyder, I've also thought of just nixing this race all together. I'm still praying about it. I'm praying about asking some people to do it with me but just don't know... I don't know much of anything now a days. I do know that I'm hungry and late so I must grab a slimfast and head on down the road to work in my hot car.
Yeah my air conditioner decided to die yesterday afternoon right after I got done working out at Town Lake. silly car.



Check out the website, If you know someone struggling or recovering from substance abuse, or just want to do it with me I'd love the company!

Monday, May 21, 2012

If you don't have anything positive to say, don't say it at all...

If you don't have anything positive to say, don't say it at all...

I've thought about this statement so many times in the past few weeks.... So much so that I haven't blogged because I edit out everything I write because it's not positive enough.
Two separate family members on different occasions have asked that I only speak positive about myself....
How do I speak so highly of a body that's about 100lbs overweight? Until I find the answer I won't speak of it at all I guess!

I know they mean well and only want what's best for me but let me tell you it's hard! It's hard not to be able to write how I feel or what's going on for fear that someone will be upset. I type out and delete countless blogs and Facebook statuses a day because I don't want to upset anyone!

The point of me blogging my issues with weight was so that I can share my ups and downs, the good, bad, and ugly, the positive and the negative!

Not pretend everything is sunshine happy rainbows of Heath and fitness!

I leave you with a picture from my fabulous day with the Abster
She fixed my unruly brows and treated me to a pedicure! Funny how your friends know what you need even when you don't!

Friday, May 18, 2012

Gained....

I apologize if you read this every friday hoping to find my awesome weight loss journey. I gained 5 inches and who knows how many pounds this week  and I'm just down. I'm doing everything I can not to comfort myself with a trip to mcdonalds and starbucks if I had the money to crap away, which I don't.


wow what a week.  I know that most of you, adults at least, have worked two jobs at some point in their life. I on the other hand haven't..... and I'm tired. Utterly exhausted. I haven't done any walking, jogging, or barre3 workouts this week, unless you count in my sleep last night from 5-6 I ran a mile on a track. Sad there are no tracks around here.
I feel sloppy. Its so hard to take a lunch that you know you can eat in the car without warming it up or anything, I had wheat thins and cracker chips a few days then said screw it and got some fried chicken.  That was a big no no. The next day my body was screaming for veggies  so I finally made it to the store and had squash, zucchini, and broccoli.  I know that the choice to eat healthy is a decision and some days you just mess up but I don't like how I feel after messing up. The Free Frosty the salesman brought me just wasn't worth eating... after two bites I tossed it in the trash. I wish I had more willpower.



Its been one of those weeks where I just cry and ask God why life isn't turning out the way I planned. Why aren't I happy ect... I caught a glimpse of old sarah at praise team auditions this week, she came out for one chorus of "Hosanna" then went ran away.




Monday, May 14, 2012

Just some junk

I was happy to embark on a new job endeavor this morning. I love the people I work with and think I'm going to be able to thrive there. The drive wasn't too bad but I got there alittle early :/. I missed a few important phone calls from a dear friend but that's okay, I will settle with the voice-mails for now. I'm thankful that I have a God who listens to my needs no matter how small they are.
Church was good yesterday. God is doing something in my heart I just can't put my finger on. I know that I will just have to trust him with my money and job situation. I was so so excited to be responsible adult and have two jobs... oh well! Hopefully a week of double jobs will help carry me over until the new paychecks start.
Spencer and I spent the majority of the day watching tv and the vow. I was just preparing my rest for my 11 hours days, not that I'm complaining!

I'm not sure how the weight-loss thing is going this week. I'm going to try my hardest to workout but I don't know where I will squeeze in the time, or mulah. I'm craving another Barre3 workout!

I dreamed I was in Sydney last night. I had a wedding ring on, though I'm not sure who I was married to. I was also quite smaller than I am now. I was with some random people from my new church, Abby, Leta, and my mom. We were at Hillsong Conference and I was leading. I didn't want to wake up. David and Jared were also there along with Arja, Sylvia,  Michelle, and Alexis. We were at some kind of dinner! It was wonderful!
I woke up with something missing, I missed the sense of family that I had there. On the other hard I'm glad that I'm starting to meet people to connect with here.

My aunt is still on the house hunt, we saw some pretty cool ones this weekend so hopefully we will have a new home soon.

My emotions are full on this week. Beware. I wish I could control them :(




Friday, May 11, 2012

5.5 down and other junk










I'm surprised I lost weight this week. .
I'm down 5.5 lbs since last Friday and another 3 inches.
 Not as many inches as before but I'll take what I can get.
 According to myfitnesspal I've lost total 17 lbs since I started this journey a few months ago.
I went to another barre3 class last night. I got home and was ready to eat my feelings of worry and sadness away. Lucky for me there was an evening class and I sweat away the emotions. I was proud of my decision not to order a pizza and sit on the couch alone with the dogs and DVR. I can hardly move today but YAY because it hurts so good.

Change is happening all around me. I start a new part time job on Monday which im super excited about. I could use the extra prayers in job and money land though. Gods plan is always greater than mine but still.
Maybe next week if I get to down 20 lbs I'll post some pictures... but then again....

Everything I have to say at the moment isn't blog appropriate ( rants) or just total debby downer so I'm gonna focus on the good. Another week of lost weight/inches!






I'm ready for mothers day but I miss my mommy.

Tuesday, May 8, 2012

Barre 3 and the Linebacker Ballerina



About 2 weeks ago I was fiddle farting around online and saw that a Barre3 Studio was opening in Austin. Much to my surprise when I learned they were giving away a weeks’ worth of free classes. FREE CLASSES! What the Hay I thought! Might as well sign up! It says it was Ballet Barre work mixed with yoga and Pilates. I began praying that my tiny dancer self would remember how! They say our muscles will know and kick back in so I was just hoping for that.


I texted the only two people I thought might go and not completely laugh at me Abby and Jade. Fortunately/Un Abby was moving last week-YAY ABBY- a feel a new home post coming soon……. Jade and I signed up for last night’s class! After a mishap with me joining the 8:30am class I had to call and ask to please be put in the 6:00pm! Thanks Barre3 for letting me in! Jades my super runner friend! Its so nice to have her to talk to and ask about heath/run junk! I’m becoming more and more thankful for the people I have here, anyways back to class

After a day of paranoia I thought about texting at 5:15 and saying there’s no possible way I’m doing this.

I prayed all the way downtown.

I’m not a downtown driver so I wasn’t quite on time but still got there early. Watching the other ladies in the class before me made me feel like a giant.

We go in and get set up, breath, then class started.

It was great!

I shook, and sweat, and only had to stop a few times! Once my body just couldn’t do what they were doing because I have a few tons extra fat in the way but besides that I seemed to be able to do everything they were. I was the largest person in class but everyone was nice and very welcoming. I didn’t quite feel out of place. I felt like someone who was in a class the NEEDED to be in. I highly recommend Barre 3 Austin Downtown for anyone looking for a fun workout class! The staff was awesome and helpful. They made the experience so fun, especially for me the plus size giant in the room! There were women and a man, of all shapes , sizes, and ages!


I've always said I'm a tiny dancer trapted in a linebackers body.
When I was younger I loved dance so much. It was my time. I got to forget all the stress and worry for a few times a week. No matter how large I got, I was still graceful and could guide along the floor with the rest of them. The jokes started coming in about me wearing a 4x4 not a tutu because I was so big. It hurt but I didn’t care. Dance was mine. Dance was something that I could do, and do it well despite looking like linebacker. Looking at pictures from when I was little you could see me grow up, and gain more and more weight! About puberty the weight got worse but yet I still danced. Sure I had to be the guy during some lifts- and always be there to spot people. I spent many a time standing under molly ready to catch her if she were to come tumbling down but I didn’t care, it was fun to be a part. It was still dance. Sure I wasn’t about to do toe for more than a year because my ankles just couldn’t hold me up. I wanted to be a ballerina. I wanted to move to New York and sore through the air in Swan Lake, but I was too big. There were no fat, big boned, large ballerinas.

Even though it wasn’t technically a “dance” class I felt that way last night. I felt my muscles move the way they used to! I may be 25 and 100 lbs overweight but I will always be a dancer!

Monday, May 7, 2012

New kids on the church block...

hello all!
I feel like I've been under a rock this weekend. I was doggy sitting precious Hadley for my friend Jade so I wasn't near my computer or Ipod! Goodness I didn't realize how much of an Internet addict I am!

I had just a blah down week last week and was looking so forward to Church. My friend Leta was feeling the same way to so we chalked it up to just Satan getting us down. Which meant maybe God has something awesome in store for us! Church started out great and I was rocking some awesome hair. Leta who thought she was going to be late made it on time and we were ready to Worship.

Then I heard it.

 Something I fear.

The lady behind me turned to someone after moving and said " I just can't see around her" I immediately started my  "don't cry" "she meant above you" you're super tall' "DO NOT CRY IN CHURCH SARAH" I was slowing shrinking and trying not to get up and leave.  I know I'm big and that people can't see around me. On a high school trip in New York I had a teacher use me as a Wind Break most of the week.
but shouldn't you be able to go to church and not feel ashamed,  judged, or out of place with how you look. Shouldn't you just be safe in the Lords house.
I love the back because I don't have to deal with so many people, plus theres room! But with the back comes distractions so Leta have found us a happy little third row side compromise thing. Its so hard being the new kid in church. I'm thankful to have a friend in Leta and us to navigate our way through a new experience together, but this almost made me run.  Run home to my bed and a bag of potato chips.

I know that I'm overreacting and shouldn't have read into her comment but it was within earshot and just stung. I'm trying so hard to become healthier and happier but goodness I felt like that set me back so far. Why can't I just trust God with my body and health. Am I calling God a liar when I look in the mirror and say "woah I look like a fat cow".  The Bible says I'm made in His image, beautiful and wonderfully made infact.
Why can't I just let go and let God help me. I've always said HE will help me when time to lose weight and HE is so why am I so upset because someone at church can't see "around me"

Luckily we started singing The Stand which is an immediate lose Sarah in Worship song!
The message was great and just what I needed to hear!


An akward incident at lunch made me realize that yes I am new but I have to treat people the way I want to be treated. If I want friends I can make them. I can invite people to lunch. I can have parties and invite poeple. I can seek out people hiding in the corner. I can make sure that no one feels the way we did on Sunday. I can pray that God opens our eyes to situations that we can be used in. That God would open doors and opportunities for Leta and I to serve and become involved and meet more people. To be a light to an odd ball just looking for some comfort from the Lord. Austin is a lonely place sometimes and I can't just be the poor fat girl in the corner, sad because the cool kids didn't talk to me I'm not 13 anymore.... I can be a leader, I can use the strengths that the Lord has given me to encourage and love on others. So can Leta and together we could see some awesomeness. Satan wanted Sunday to be awful for us. He wanted us to leave and not come back.... I thought about it for awhile even. Thought okay time to find another church but NO. I like my new home and I'm not going to let mindless comments and oblivious people stop me from serving the Lord.

Friday, May 4, 2012

That was close!

Today is going to be close. Its okay if you gain. You know you didn't work as hard this week. I told my self these things all the way to work this morning!

It was a hard thing typing all my numbers in my spreadsheet this morning. I was just begging I didn't gain!
YAY for inches lost!
 Next week I wont slack as much because this ashamed feeling is not fun!

Anyways

Hips-1.5
Thigh-1
Waist 1.5
Neck-.5
5 inches lost!

Super stoked about the neck loss... yall know how much I loath my chins.
Is it bad I'm craving a Mcdonalds breakfast or a buritto? I realize rewarding myself with food like a dog partly got me here in the first place... oh well. I spy a fruit bar :)

I'm ready to tackle today with a new attitude!

Thursday, May 3, 2012

Attitude Adjustment

I was just not in the mood to smile today. I hate the way that sounds but I just wasn't. Not in the mood to act like everything is hunky dory and I'm in love with running when all I'd like to do is curl up and eat a pizza!

My aunt and I had a great afternoon of house hunting and junk yesterday but on the way home from Buda the flood gates just opened.... and they haven't seemed to stop. Besides my weight that's one thing that I wish I could change, I would give anything to be able to control my emotions.

After a massive mistake at work I had to send myself home for an attitude adjustment.  I remember when my mother used to tell me this when I as younger, it was always so negative but thats all i could think of today. I was scolding myself saying snap out of it darn it!
I just had to make today better. I prayed, cooked a slightly high in calorie but yummy lunch, and then jammed all the way back to work. It seemed to really help. Some days I don't get to leave so on days when I can I think I should start trying.

I'm dreading tomorrows measurements. I've just been in such a blah mood this week that I haven't done as well with my workouts and eating as I have the past 2 weeks.  I know that's normal but still... I'm disappointed. This is a hard road but one I'm committing to, so we shall see!


Maybe a long walk will do me good!