Saturday, June 30, 2012

The Fighter-

 The Fighter- Gym Class Heroes

I heard this song on the radio the other day and it just brought me to tears. I thought of so many people I know who are fighters Granted I don't know any olympic hopefuls or boxers or "real" fighters but I know some fighters. 

I know people who are fighting addictions. I know the single moms  who are fighting to keep food on the table for the children. People fighting illness and for their lives. I know people who are fighting their sins and trying to live their life for the Lord. I know hopeful parents fighting to have a child. GLBT's fighting for rights. I know people fighting to keep their marriage despite all the cheating and lies in this world. Men fighting to be Courageous for their wives and families. The young women and girls who are being trafficked are fighting to stay alive. The Orphans who are fighting for a chance at life. There are people "fighting" all around us.  All over the World. Even people like me who are simply fighting the Fatness.

This song may not touch you the way it touched me but I figured I'd share anyways

Sunday, June 24, 2012

I need to blog...

"I need to blog" I keep telling myself.
 I need to tell them I gained more weight and just didn't care this week again.
 I needed blog about ordering a pizza and eating part and throwing the rest of it, and money in the trash, because of guilt.
I need to admit that I've had 2 Dr. Peppers this weekend because I needed a caffiene rush to get some stuff done. I know that dr. peppers are my own personal crack and I'm an idoit for drinking not only one but two. I was just stupid. My moms on day two, I can't have my mother beating me.

Yesterday we were sitting at lunch and my aunt said " you know if you don't get on the biggest loser you are going back on your diet" I was like  " I did fine by myself".... I just dont care.

That got me thinking about why I didn't care. At some point in the past 2 weeks I just stopped caring about myself. I haven't felt good for the past month, my emotions have been up and down and I just don't care... I seem to care about everyone around me but just don't care about myself.

Today and yesterday I did great with my eating but by the time I get home I'm so exhausted I just want to sleep. Tonight I was just going to go to bed without eating because I didn't want to cook or clean or mess up the kitchen. I sat in my room for two hours thinking I could actually go to bed without eating. So I did what I do best... Went to McDonald's!

After a small argument this evening I realized that's it's not really that I don't care it's just caring takes effort and I've seemed to loose all mine extra effort. I realize now reading/writing this that I sound like a walking "depression" hurts commercial, so if your one of those positive only supporters, never fear the positive is coming ;) and I'll be happy sunshine and rainbows soon... I hope.

These verses have been on my ever so worn out heart this week!

Whoever pursues righteousness and love finds life, prosperity and honor. (Proverbs 21:21 TNIV)
I guess I should pursue more ;)

Am I now trying to win human approval, or God’s approval? Or am I trying to please people? If I were still trying to please people, I would not be a servant of Christ. (Galatians 1:10 TNIV)

Monday, June 18, 2012

Jared and Jess

Jess and Jared. No they arn't dating.
Its been more than a year since I've seen these two. They were the first people I met when I got to Oz. They were also the first friends I made after a trip to ikea I knew I had to get to know them. They were there for me through one of the roughest times in my life. The wasted their gas on drs appointments and trips to the hospital. They took me to the beach when ever I wanted and many trips to the mall so I could have McDonald. I never knew how much of an impact they would make on my life. I love them so much and miss them HEAPS.
Today/Tomorrow is their birthdays

I wish I were there to make a Giant Meal of Vegetarian favorites! I'm so blessed to have them in my life! I was lucky to know them and they taught me so much in the sort time I was there. They are going to make some people super happy one day. Any man that wins Jess's heart will be lucky to have her! Same for Jared, Ladies hes a sweetheart under all that hair!

So Happy Birthday Jess and Jared. I miss you more than you know!

First Beach Trip!

Last Beach Trip

Our first picture. I was looking rough, I had no sleep, no mattress, and no luggage at this point. Day 2 in Australia!

I miss the beach trips!

Friday, June 15, 2012

Philippians 1:3, 4 lbs lost, and my usual ramblings

Gosh I can’t believe it’s been a week since I blogged. Blogging is such a stress relief I’m surprised I haven’t done more of it lately. 

4lbs lost this week! 2 lbs to go to be back at where I was, I never dreamed I could gain weight so fast. Oops

 I went ahead and did step one of the biggest loser process… now to make a video  and actually show up at the casting call. I know it sounds silly for me to keep bringing it up but I’ve really been praying if God can use me and teach me in such a crazy way then so be it. If not I’ll just keep on my quest for a 5k though its much harder lately. I need to make more time to run/walk/jog but I’m just so tired. I finally watched some TV last night from last week and I’m not usually like that. I went all week last night without turning the TV on. Woah.

I almost died my hair the other night. I know its so silly but my grays are coming out in full force. I figure I’ll just go with it a little longer. My hair is just starting to look normal again and I’m itching to cut or color it. I feel like its an easy way to make a change to my outward appearance. I’ve been reading “ The Confident Woman Devotional” its been helping somewhat. I’m just in a funk. I can’t hear God. I know He is there but I feel like He’s saying I’ve given you the tools make the right decisions.  I also feel like God has put people in my life for a reason so I should probably  take advantage of these women.

I’m supposed to have my first week on the praise team on Sunday. Words can’t explain how excited I am to be singing again. Not that I don’t worship at church, in my car, at work ect.. but it’s different. I’m sad I can’t see some of my family that’s meeting at my PaPa’s but I NEED to sing lol. It means a ton to me that so many people in this new church support me without knowing me. I mean they know me now but they don't know know me. I was at a women's bible study last night and just started crying in the middle of discussion on Philippians. No reason just tears. I felt like a fool but no one said anything thank goodness. I was reading Philippians 1:3 I thank God every time I remember you. That is most likely what did it also because we had to read it over and over. Maybe I'll use that as my verse on Greg's quilt. It was awesome for me to see the love that Paul had for these people, his friends in Christ, in his letter.
I’ve been dealing with the person I feel that’s inside of me and how I need to get there. How can I be a better version of myself? The Woman that God made me. Not the woman that so and so wants, or who I think I should be, who my family wants me to be, how I could find a husband or get someone to love me. The person that God made me to be, I want to be her.

Wednesday, June 6, 2012

Blood Pressure and The Biggest Loser.

I'm so mad at myself right now!
 I have felt awful for the past week and didn't think that eating whatever this weekend and a few sweet teas would effect me this much. I've had a horrendous headache for the past two days ,yes mom I've taken medicine, and nothing seems to work. Tonight after a bubble bath I looked over and saw my blood pressure machine.


I stopped taking my medicine a few months ago, I wasn't having problems so I stopped taking it. Yes I know thats how medicine works and that I wasn't having the problems because the medicine was doing its job. Most likely my incredibly high salt intake and not caring about my weight journey may have something to do with it...

I've hated medicine my whole life. I just don't want to be one of those people who can't live without it, yet I also don't want to be miserable. I guess I shall get my butt back in gear and start it again. I mean its a water pill its not like its half crack, though I feel so bad right now it would help.

I want/ed to be on the Biggest Loser. Like BAD especially if it was biggest loser couples- yall know watching my mom and I cry and fight to the death would be good tv. Yall know that!. This week when mentioned it on FB I was surprised at the negative comments, I felt like I was getting hardly any support ( 3 people said DO IT.), when in fact that's what people were trying to do, support me and let me know when I wasn't making wise decisions I guess. Maybe my brain was on skinny skinny skinny skinny, $250,000, health, adventure, excitement and a shot at happiness. Instead of bills bills bills, my job, my car, the dogs, my future, tabloids, my past, my family, ect....My aunt ask me last night if I would be willing to give up my new job( which I love) to be on the show. I said yes, I would give up everything and would have too if I got on.
 I guess its alot to think about and with so many people against it Ill just put that dream on the back burner where it belongs. Maybe later when I'm more stable I'll get that one back out.

Until then its back on the health kick and  BP medicine I go, maybe one day I'll even get some to help my moods, until then I'll just whine and complain on my blog ;)

Monday, June 4, 2012

Thank God for Hometowns...

 I can't believe I didn't blog this sooner.
But I now am the proud owner of a Honda CRV, and I will make that car payment with my extra money for becoming FULL TIME at the Land Surveying Company so thank you for those of you who prayed! It was all God and I'm so very blessed!

I had the best weekend. If you haven’t heard Carrie Underwood’s “ Thank God for Small Towns” I highly suggest you click the link and listen. I heard it for the first time packing Thursday night and it set the tune for the weekend!

My new friend LETA (pronounced leeeeeeeta) and I hit the road in my new car (Shaniqua), about 7 Friday night set for Sny-town. We had a mission of help aunt Peggy for Sat and eat Spanish Inn.
I love the drive, It was hilarious to watch Leta freak about the windmills and me about the deer. Did you know that if you stick your hands out of the sunroof going 70 that when bugs it your hand it stings? We found this out the hard way, more than once!

We crashed at Mr. Bowens house  ( Thanks Beth) when we arrived it was about 90 in the house so we turned on the air and we to Wal-mart for some late night fun.  What else is there to do?

Saturday for lunch we had SPANISH INN. I do realize that some people HATE that place (Brandon and aunt JB) but I don’t. Its what I grew up on and compare everywhere in Austin to Spanish Inn. Not smart. I told Leta before you are either going to love it or hate it… guess what?

SHE HATED IT… I was sad until I realized I could eat hers and Casey’s leftovers J

I had such a good time working at Aunt Peggy’s. I know it sounds silly, but seriously we had fun until I got a bug bite in a not so friendly place… then my fun was over! I love learning about my family, the town history and everything else from aunt Peg. She is so full of knowledge and I just hope that I can one day be as wonderful as she is!

Sat night we picked up Samantha B in bigspring and headed to meet Brandon in Midland. I can’t be that close to him and not go see him, the drive wasn’t so bad. I’m lucky to have friends that last! Lucky for me I even had to see Officer Thompson. I gave Tyler a hug and said “ Oh MY GOSH you wear a vest?”  ‘yes sarah, people shoot at me , I’m a police officer”  I then of course asked for a picture which he was skeptical but still gave it to me, Why? Because I’m sarah, and was there with my Tyler and Brandon. For a min I just stood there and couldn’t help but be thankful for the way things turned out. Thankful that they were in my AG class in 9th grade and that we are able to see each other now at 25. They are so grown up, Tyler a cop, Brandon a Pilot, and me a loser. Just kidding, I know I’m not but I’m just so roud of them. I got to see an old friend Tye, whose all grown up and has a house now too. Gosh I felt behind of the game but once again thankful for these friends in my life.

Poor Leta had to hear about my life history and met so many people.

Church- I missed Home. FBC Snyder will always be my home, I’ve had some of the best and worst times of my life in that church. I love the people, they are family. It was amazing how many of them read this blog or facebook and were encouraging me on my journeys. I was slightly emotional, what did you expect? so I'm sorry if you saw me cry the whole service. I was overcome with Joy while standing in the choir loft watching the "family" I once new be so joyful and raise their hands in worship. I couldn't control the tears, luckily those that know me reminded me to take tissue with me on stage lol. I'm jealous I'm not there and don't know the new worship pastors very well, He and his wife were awesome. I would still follow Jim or the Treveys anywhere ;)

Oh well I guess all thats left is pictures!!!