I need to tell them I gained more weight and just didn't care this week again.
I needed blog about ordering a pizza and eating part and throwing the rest of it, and money in the trash, because of guilt.
I need to admit that I've had 2 Dr. Peppers this weekend because I needed a caffiene rush to get some stuff done. I know that dr. peppers are my own personal crack and I'm an idoit for drinking not only one but two. I was just stupid. My moms on day two, I can't have my mother beating me.
Yesterday we were sitting at lunch and my aunt said " you know if you don't get on the biggest loser you are going back on your diet" I was like " I did fine by myself".... I just dont care.
That got me thinking about why I didn't care. At some point in the past 2 weeks I just stopped caring about myself. I haven't felt good for the past month, my emotions have been up and down and I just don't care... I seem to care about everyone around me but just don't care about myself.
Today and yesterday I did great with my eating but by the time I get home I'm so exhausted I just want to sleep. Tonight I was just going to go to bed without eating because I didn't want to cook or clean or mess up the kitchen. I sat in my room for two hours thinking I could actually go to bed without eating. So I did what I do best... Went to McDonald's!
After a small argument this evening I realized that's it's not really that I don't care it's just caring takes effort and I've seemed to loose all mine extra effort. I realize now reading/writing this that I sound like a walking "depression" hurts commercial, so if your one of those positive only supporters, never fear the positive is coming ;) and I'll be happy sunshine and rainbows soon... I hope.
These verses have been on my ever so worn out heart this week!
Whoever pursues righteousness and love finds life, prosperity and honor. (Proverbs 21:21 TNIV)
I guess I should pursue more ;)
Am I now trying to win human approval, or God’s approval? Or am I trying to please people? If I were still trying to please people, I would not be a servant of Christ. (Galatians 1:10 TNIV)
I totally understand the "dont care" and I have been there. I always remember reading a book for moms that said God loves you no matter what. And I realized that my "dont cares" affect HIM and HE cares. He wants me to be my best so that I can give Him the glory. I am glad that you blog about your journey. I hope that you reach your goals. If you need to talk, you can message me on fb and I will forward my cell to you if you dont already have it.
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