Day 5 and 6!

Day 5


Five things that make me the happiest right now!

1. Food- Health Low calorie good food.

2. My car- I love to drive

3. The mail.

4. Netflix

5. My new church.









Day 6

Hardest thing I’ve ever had to experience is heart break.

I know the point of this blog challenge is to open up and share but I’m just not in the mood. I feel like poo for missing day 5 so I combined the two. I’m currently at work, yes on a Saturday, and I have so much to do! So I figured I’d pause and blog to clear my head, but then I had a hard time thinking of things that really made me happy so I’m back to being blah.

Day 4- hey 16yr old me!

4. List 10 things you would tell your 16 year-old self, if you could.


This was crazy hard for me. so here it goes!

1. Your body is made differently then others.  You be who God made you!
2. You may be single but you will travel the world!
3. You've been in love. Its worth the wait and the heartbreak.
4. NEVER stop singing.
5. Take care of your speeding tickets!
6. please stay in school no matter what happens or how you feel like you can't!
7. Cherish your friendships, God places people in your life for a reason.
8. RUN learn to run!
9. Don't quit dance
10. There is life outside of Snyder, but it will always be "home"

Day 3- and some random thoughts

Day 3- Describe your relationship with your parents!


I have a good relationship with my parents. Like all children there are time I want to punch both of them but all in all my relationships with them is okay.

Dad- I miss him like crazy. Growing up only seeing him a few times a year was hard. I’d miss him but wouldn’t call because I didn’t want to bug him. Now I just don’t care and will blow up his phone for silly things! Back then my mom would do the “throw the phone” technique. She would dial the number and throw the phone then I had a choice. I could pick it up and tell him how much I missed them or just hang out. 9 times out of 10 I would pick up the phone and talk! Being an adult now a days its hard to hop on the plane and go see him. Hopefully now with Southwest going from ATX to ATL that will be easier! I’ve always been a Daddys girl though!

Mom- We are JUST alike. This can cause some high flying emotions but as long as we aren’t crying things are super. She gave up so much for me growing up and made sure that I could do anything I ever wanted to do. I can never thank her for all she’s done for me. I hate that she’s so far away in Canada now but thankful for Skype and such! She’s still my best friend!


….I’m the spitting image of my father, and my momma is my biggest fan.



Update on the insomnia. Im so sick of my headboard. Its beatuiful but it squeaks and bumps the wall and eats my pillows its just a mess. I got so frustraed last night I just took it off. BAM I slept like a baby :) acutally that was most likely due to the  allergy medicine but still.

I'm craving steak somthing fierce and and so tired of drinking water. Yay trying to stay healthy.

Day 2- Three Fears

Day 2!

Fear 1- Crowds.


I panic. Call it social anxiety disorder, claustrophobic, uncomfortable or whatever you want but I don’t do crowds.

Fear 2- Never being a mom.

I want to be a wife and mommy more than anything. I know that God has his perfect plan and even if I never have children of my own, I can still be a light in a child’s life. Maybe that goes hand in hand with dying alone…

Fear 3- Whatever is living in my attic.

It could be a small, it could be large, it could be a rodent, it could be a ghost, a human, and anything but I’m the only one who hears it. And its not OKAY

JJ Heller- What Love really Means

He cries in the corner where nobody sees

He’s the kid with the story no one would believe

He prays every night, “Dear God won’t you please...

Could you send someone here who will love me?”

Who will love me for me

Not for what I have done or what I will become

Who will love me for me

‘Cause nobody has shown me what love

What love really means, what love really means

Her office is shrinking a little each day

She’s the woman whose husband has run away

She’ll go to the gym after working today

Maybe if she was thinner then he would’ve stayed

And she says…

Who’ll love me for me?

Not for what I have done or what I will become

Who will love me for me?

‘Cause nobody has shown me what love

What love really means, what love really means

He’s waiting to die as he sits all alone

He’s a man in a cell who regrets what he’s done

He utters a cry from the depths of his soul

“Oh Lord, forgive me, I want to go home”

Then he heard a voice somewhere deep inside

And it said, “I know you’ve murdered

And I know you’ve lied

And I have watched you suffer all of your life

And now that you’ll listen, I’ll tell you that I...”

I will love you for you

Not for what you have done or what you will become

I will love you for you



 

I heard this song for the first time last night! Cried like a baby. I feel as if everyone has once been in a number of those situations at different periods of their lives. Even the prison, we all live in our own personal prisons. Just an amazing song about what love really means. Breath taking.

Hopes and Dreams 30 things

So I decided to try this list from a blog I follow called Hopes and Dreams! I've always wanted to blog  everyday for a month so I'll give it a shot!

Day 1 is 20 random fact about yourself so here we goooooo

1.  My middle name is Victoria, not Jane or Lee, though I don't mind what you call me.
2. I have horrible handwriting.
3. I had a goal of seeing London, Paris, Rome, and Sydney by the age of 25. GOAL COMPLETED
4. I want a bulldog. Badly
5. I enjoy driving.
6. I prefer Vanilla to Chocolate.
7. I once was the best chicken judger in Texas
8. I hate flowers, or floral patterns.
9. I'm allergic to purple flowers. Once  I was given them on a date and didn't even want to go to dinner I was so mad.
10. I hate soup. I prefer to chew my food.
11. I feel like a tiny ballerina trapped in a Plus size body sometimes
12. My Dad rodeos and once upon a time I was good with horses.
13. I'm a slob- trying to learn how to be neat and organized.
14. I actually enjoy mowing the yard, unless its 100 degrees out
15. I'm a negative nancy the majority of the time, I usually don't realize I until someone says "sarah your so depressing"
16. My little sister Morgan is way cooler than me.
17. My little brother Will, will most likely be a studly heartbreaker.
18. Garth Brooks is my hero
19. I need 8 hours of uninterupted sleep to function.
20. I wish I could write a book once day.

Its been a month....

I’m up too early for church so I figured I’d jot down some feelings since I seem to have to many these days.

Its been a month and a long one….

A month since I’ve had a Dr. Pepper or Coke!
&
A month since I found out my best friend was moving.

I’m not sure If I’ve lost any weight, and not sure if I feel better yet. Maybe I’ll notice this month, today will be my last sweet tea! I’m proud of myself for giving up something I love, actually in a way its 2 things l love and thought I would never not have in my life. oh well, Gods plans are way bigger than mine right?

My wonderful newly developed allergies are keeping me from my couch to 5k junk, but I’m still trying. I know a few people running a 10k today and they just inspire me.It just hurts to breath on top of my whole body screaming at me when I come down on the pavement. I had every intention of working on deep cleaning my room from top to bottom this weekend but only got about half way done. After Mowing the wet yard- I know why they say don’t now- I sat down to watch an episode of being human then get busy. That episode turned into 4, whooooops

When we got new computers at work my spotify disappeared, its been a while since I turned it on at home. Gosh Ive missed music! Im currently listening to the new Hillsong United Album and I can’t help but think back a few years ago sitting on my couch with Jordan and Casey praying I would get to experience something like that. I met with the pastor of the new church I’m trying in a hey get to know you explain our church thing. That night I realized that God can give me the same “family” I’ve been mourning from Hillsong. I miss the people I did life with. I miss going into the store and seeing people. It was easy to go from Snyder to Sydney because in a way it was still a “small town.” I now live in Austin and know hardly anyone. so its more of a shock.  I’m trying to get plugged in to the new church but Im not sure where God wants me. I’m not as confident and fun as I used to be so its going to take some time but I know I’m in the right place and on the right track. 

Not so Spring break

Many of yall were on spring break this week... Sadly I wasn't.
I worked my first major overtime as in 14 hour day on Friday. Work was super busy this week and we were one office person short so we all scrambled to make it work. Kinda creepy being here so late at night, espically since the gates got locked. Luckily darla drove me around to my car. She refused to let me walk a block in this neighborhood at night!

On top of my busiest week ever I have a cold and still haven't gotten a whole nights sleep. I don't know what the deal is with me. I know my blog as turned in to whine/gripe fest so sorry for my debby downer self lately....

In other news
Spencer still refuses to go outside :(

I've been checking the mail like a mad woman, so I think I might start sending mail. I know that when I was in OZ anything addressed to me, even a bill, was exciting! so I think I shoul dbe a better friend and start communicating better!

I've been missing my Dad, Sister, and Brother alot. I practally have a free ticket there I just can't find the time to go :( Family is important y'all.

22 days no Dr.Pepper :) YAY no soda.

I made my bed this morning... don't know why. but Im sure it will feel good in the tonight when I get home from Bible study. Thats right you heard me... Bible study, with people, outside my house. This is cause to celebrate!

Insomnia

Do you ever have nights that you just can't sleep or wake up for no reason?
This has happened to me all week!

I do not function properly without 8 hours of Uninterrupted sleep.

I just don't get it. I started writing this at about 2 this morning when I was on the couch trying to see if a change of scenery would help. I had woken up at 11:45 drenched in sweat, the two nights before I woke up around 4 after hearing something in the attic/above my bed. Then I just can't go back to sleep!

I don't know when I became a light sleeper but its happened. I used to make fun of my mom and her need for ear plugs. I mean how could she hear me on the phone with Brent (now married with a kiddo) when I was 13. I'm not that loud! 
Once up on a time I couldn't go to sleep without Tylenol PM and I don't want to go back to that place :/ There are night when I can sleep 8 hours straight and others when I wake up to everything.
I get woken up by a dog shaking or getting up to go to the potty in the middle of the night threw my shut door, from my aunts room. Her text tones, email, or words with friends  sometimes can do it and other nights I don't hear anything. Most of the time I just go right back to sleep. 

We have/had a critter living somewhere above my bed. I hear it shuffle from my room to above my bathroom multiple times per week and night. The Pest control guy has no idea what it is and there are no traces of anything. After an episode with a screaming animal and the pest control man once again saying nothing is up there I've decided its all in my head and maybe I was dreaming it. Or I'm going crazy :) either are possible at this moment.


I've mention this to my g-ma and mom who both say exercise helps well much to their shock I've done 15-45 mins of psychical activity everyday since Sunday so its not that I'm just fat and lazy and sit at a desk all day but I can see how everyone jumps to this conclusion.

Another is Caffeine- I'm on day 18 with no Cokes and the only other caffeine I had was a small glass of herbal tea this weekend.

I've also tried counting sheep, counting back words, readings numbers ( this book of the bible usually puts me to sleep sadly), praying, white noise, moving around, and warm milk which is beyond disgusting.

Tonight I plan on, working out harder so my body will have to sleep and stay asleep (I know some of you are laughing at this thought), cleaning, de-cluttering, and rearranging my room.

If this doesn't work then I guess I'll have to find my old friend Tylenol Pm...

My Monday playlist!

I’ve been in an overly good mood this morning. I feel it has something to do with my Monday Morning playlist. Or the fact that I fixed my hair but I'm pretty sure its only the music......
 So I’ve decided to share it with you all fine folks!




The Redeemer-Sanctus Real- Christian
I heard this song for the first time today, I couldn’t help but love it. I felt like it was once again everything I want to say but can’t. I am still a dreamer, and a believer, even under my little cloud I’m fighting daily. I highly recommend you finding it and looking it up!

And I'm still a dreamer, a believer
Oh, I've lost my faith in so many things, but I still believe in You
'Cause You are the answer, the redeemer
Oh, I've given up on too many things, but I'm not giving up on You
'Cause You can make anything new……

I highly recommend you finding it and looking it up!




Tell Me Something Good- Rufus & Chaka Khan- Oldies
This song is just good. My aunt gets to see Chaka Khan at the end of this month and I'm super jealous. I love me some funk.


Georgia Peaches- Lauren Alaina- Country
When I sing along to this song I'm transported to a world where I'm skinny and can wear knee high boots.
And of course my 90’s pop like Nsync, Backstreet boys, Spice Girls, and Mariah Carey.

Over You- Miranda lambert


 Its nice on days like this to put in my headphones and jame at work... until someone catches me dancing!

Photography with Darla!

If you’re my friend on FB I apologize for all the pictures of ME but they are too good not to post!!


My co-worker and friend Darla offered to do a session with me to help my confidence. She said she wanted people to see me when way God does. Living under my little cloud of depression its hard for me to see myself the way others do sometimes! She’s such a sweet lady and a wonderful Photographer based out of Taylor. It was so much fun. I first I felt like an idiot and the biggest goof ball ever but then I warmed up!

My Heart Hurts.....

I often say my heart hurts. It hurts for my friends, family, people I see on the street, animals, orphans, things I can't change. I'm a fixer- I want to fix it and make it better. When I can't, I hurt.

Its annoying.

I'm not just talking about the heartbreak that comes from the end of a relationship. I'm talking about all heartbreak. I can be heartbroken for a family member and it feel the same gut wrenching awful pain I feel when my heart is being stomped on. I often wonder if other people feel the same way or if we just say "aww that breaks my heart" the same way we say "oh I'll pray for you". 
This week at work one co-worker had  a miscarriage, another divorce, and another the murder of  his mother. My heart hurt. I couldn't fix any of those things. All I could do was pray and let them know I'm there for them.

Proverbs 4:23 says "Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life."


I don't think I'm good at guarding my heart....



My heart aches right now. I can't fix it. I can't make it better. All I can do is pray and while that gives me comfort its also so annoying. I know God gave me my big heart, and for that I'm thankful.