"Biblical Womanhood"

 The terms "biblical and womanhood" scare me when they are alone, when used together the fear is enough to send me cowering in a corner. 

When I hear those term I automatically picture the bubbly mother with multiple kids in her impeccably neat home serving a meal she just made( from scratch) for her loving husband who jus got home from work. I think meek, mild, gentle women who say bless her heart and ill pray for you and actually mean it. The ladies with the perfectly teased hair, sparkly jewelry and never get antsy in the most uncomfortable of pews.

While I know that most  this is crazy talk and not what "biblical womanhood" means, its what I think about out of habit I guess.

How can I become this "virtuous" woman when I'm loud, über emotional, find bathroom humor hilerious and have the temper of a 400 lb lineman. Then there's my weight, the fact that my ovaries hate me, my depression  and the whole baby maker not working properly thing.

This is why I have kicked screamed and cried my way through the first few weeks of this study. Not to mention that it's on Thursdays smack dab in the middle of my other small group I've loved for the past year and a half ( I know sacrifice is important, it's only a few weeks, yada yada yada). 

This  study is hard. Hard for me. Hard for moms. Hard for newlyweds.  Just hard. If it were easy we would all be excellent "help mates" running around making perfect babies. After a breakup maybe I just flipped a switch that said broken. No more help mate potential here, just a shell. Or maybe it happened in Australia during the surgeries and such. Or it could be just life but somewhere I changed and convinced myself that I will never be able to be one of those women.  Which brings me back to this study being hard and uncomfortable for me. 

It's so much easier to stay in my funny fat girl shell than strive to become this "biblical woman." 

Fat and funny are easy, and taste good too.......