As much as the weather kills me here for a few days last week I forgot about my depression. It may have been raining but my little black rain cloud was the furthest from my mind. So much so I forgot my meds. I'm not sure how many days and I'm not sure I want to know. I was up up way up most of the night and sleep was just not happening. I knew. The meds. I moved to the living room so I didn't bother my mom with my sobs because I knew the roller coaster that was coming.
I fell asleep again for a few hours and when I awoke it was back. The sinking feeling in my head, the despair, and the rain. All before opening my eyes I knew today and a few following are going to be rough.
I should be celebrating the bible study I went to last night was great. I even felt comfortable, I'm thankful I've found a church here and can even get past the 60+ min sermons because I know God has called me there. Not to mention the wonderful co workers I'm around today. We had such a fun outing this weekend and I'm just so so thankful I work here.
But.
All I want is to be around my church family and friends who know me, know my illness, my moods and can hold me while I cry. It's so so hard for me to meet people and be open. It's exhausting pretending to have it together!
At the same time I see a light at the end of this tunnel because in all reality I'm thankful I had enough "good" days in a row I forgot the meds.
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