Where do I fit in?
Somewhere in-between Snyder and Sydney I guess.
People told me when I left I wouldn't be the same when I came back. They warn you at school that home is often a battlefield. well I sure don't fit in on this battle ground anymore.
I had to grow up and be slightly independent in Sydney. I had to learn how not to lean on mom or g-ma my friends or family. just God. I learned how to go to the dr alone. eat alone. walk alone. fend for myself ect. God knew exactly what he was doing allowing me to go through this past season "alone" slowly learning how to lean solely on HIM.
well I'm back in the real world. Out of my little bubble and now realize I can't relate to people. I spent so much time focusing on fixing myself and growing ect I must have forgotten how to be human in the real world. Funny.
People keep telling me I'm different. I know that. I would hope that 5 months with intense spiritual classes would do that to someone. I'm glad I've changed. whether you think its for the better or worse I'm still glad.
Many of you keep asking me how I'm doing and I say okay. I'm not good and I'm not bad. I'm just okay. I don't know what I'm doing or where I'm going. I'm just hanging out getting trapped and lost in trying to please everyone from snyder to sydney. Its an awesome awesome pain in my neck, honestly I wouldn't want to change it.
My prayer is that through all the "changes", "your different's", and awkwardness that the people I come across would see a small glimpse of God light in me.
Even if I don't fit in.
THEN
NOW
Change
This one made me super happy! When we were all sitting at Blakes wedding reception, I kept thinking, "We are all so different." Not different in a bad way, we've all grown up. We are still growing up and trying to figure out what it is that we want to be when we decide to fully grow up (if that will ever happen). The joy of it all is that we can sit at a table and talk about whatever it is that we want to talk about and still find a girlfriend at the table that will listen and laugh and sometimes dance to Spice Girls with you just to have a little fun. I love you so so much. I am proud of your growth in these last few months. It will be super exciting to see what is ahead. :)
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