Tuesday, February 8, 2011

This isn't what I wanted on my mind tonight.....

When I started today I didn't think I'd be blogging about this topic at the end of it. It kinda saddens me that I'm not itching to tell everyone everything I learned today ( a ton)!!!  I don't know if I owe it to anyone or if anyone really cares but blogging is helping me process what I'm going through here.

So in light of recent events I feel like I need to defend myself! One small comment left me in tears for 30 mins tonight and robbed me of awesome worship granted God was dealing with me in His own way but I hate it when I can't "worship" during worship.


It says in the Hillsong College Handbook that first years can't date.
I'm pretty sure I blogged about this or a least have talked about it before when I first got here how relieving it was for me to have a whole year with just God and not even think about marriage and kiddos and DATING.
Somewhere in all of my Woman Health Drama my mind apparently changed last semester and God allowed more of those dreams to come back in to play more so lately but thats not the point......

I can't date anyone until July so it doesn't matter who I spend my time with at this point because im not dating them. Now it seems ironic that I'm defending my actions/lack of actions all the while reading "Emotional Purity" which is all about setting boundaries in your friendships with boys ect....

I try to treat all the people I'm around as my brothers and sisters in Christ. I can't help it if I get along with some more than others or if we have more in common. That doesn't technically mean that we are perfect for each other. I spent so much energy last semester on defending my friendships and my actions and I was so looking forward to not doing it this semester... but no its worse now.

I never knew it would be this hard or that I would struggle so much but I'm about ready to throw in the towel on numerous friendships so that I can have a break from the drama and the unnecessary junk. Lets think bigger picture people! Why did Jesus die on the cross for us? not so we can wonder who loves who or whose going to be/ not be dating in 6 months. As a friend said last night we all have bigger fish to fry.

My heart is all sorts of jumbled and messed up and God is working hard on it. This is going to be the semester of open heart surgery. Last semester was physical surgery and this one is on my heart.
So please do me a favor and don't ask me about boys, don't tease me about him, don't tease him about me, all you are doing is hurting both of us ( well at least i think so)

Now with all that being said im not going to sit here and say I will never date so and so cause that's putting a limit on God and he's super but for the next 6 months i need everyone to help me out and not mention it for awhile ok?

1 comment:

  1. I couldn't decide what to say - my heart feels that somehow the bic pen is right up close to your nose and blocking your view. :) Read this blog post and listen to God. (PS - Yes B. Houston)

    "To everyone, a measure is given... be that a measure of faith, a measure of grace or opportunity extended, a measure of artistic gift or talent. A measure is given with the divine intent that we grow it into something that Heaven-above knows it has the potential to become... a measure intended to not only bless our individual world, but the world of others.

    I once saw ‘inhale’ defined as "to breath in and be inspired". Personally, I love that thought... Sitting in worship at church, I have often inhaled His presence and been inspired creatively. Sitting under the Word (whether private or preached), I have inhaled truth and been inspired with perspective, courage, comfort, revelation and answers. Sitting amongst friends (who have the magnificent measure of Christ within) I have found myself being inspired by what is upon their lives.

    Life is full of analogy. The body inhales and exhales, and with every breath the miraculous happens. As a company of believers on the earth (who are called His glorious Church and Body) let's inhale and exhale as He intended. Let's breathe in His Presence, Grace, Truth and Wonder... and let's exhale to the world around us the divine, life-giving fruit of these and more.

    May His beautiful Church on the earth not be known for "bad, stale, religious, judgmental breath"... Instead may all those who profess Christ-within, be known for carrying a different atmosphere, presence and inspiration into the rooms and encounters of our lives.

    (Ha ... Maybe we should all turn to a friend now and quietly ask "is my breath okay?")

    (Ephesians 4)