I started packing this morning... I've been at it for 2 hours and have giggled laughed and cried about 4 times... My emotional health is now just as messed up as the rest of me. Just when I needed it the most I got this message from a friend here....
:) I just want you to know I am amazed by you. This has probably been the hardest year of your life. and even though you may think you are barely getting by, you have walked this out with so much grace. and even though you may think you are an emotional wreck, you have walked this out with more joy than anyone could ask for. God has some incredible things in store for you. I just know it. You may not go back looking more different than you wanted, but you have been transformed. You have gone through this, and come out on the other side. No weapon formed against you shall prosper. youre like our modern day Job. One thing after another. its like right when you think it couldnt get worse it did. BUT in the midst, you never lost your hope in Jesus. You never denied Him or a love for him. sure you've been frustrated and questioning why, but you love him and it is evident. I love you much, I am inspired by you. Like for real. I dont know that I could have or would have walked this out as well as you have. You may be leaving us in the physically, but you are a part of this family. we are here for you. always. theres a special bond that God creates here at college, no one can break that. I'm proud of you and proud to call you friend. love you. thank you for letting me be a part of this journey with you. Cant wait to see what God does with all this. its gonna be incredible. All things that the enemy meant for evil, my Jesus will turn for good, to glorify Himself. He's a good God sarah, you know that in your heart, and still confess it with your mouth, and THAT is a huge testimony to anyone who sees and is in your life. Love you;)
It was just what I needed to put my big girl panties on and get to work packing as much as I dont want to.
I'm getting so many conflicting feelings... I have people telling me that God has told them for me to stay, people saying the Holy Spirit is saying go home go home and everything in between. I just want to be well... I want symptoms to stop and if that means I have to do it at home okay. I may be leaving a month or so early but that doesn't mean that this year has been a waste. I've grown more inside than I could ever explain to anyone. I'm a stronger Christian and heaps stronger person. I've learned how to rely on God and only Him. He's basically stripped away everything I ever thought or knew and rebuilt it with a better foundation..... and that my friends is worth every cent, stitch, pain, dr's appointment, humiliation, laugh, and tear that I've experienced here. I wrote songs, made life long friends, memorized verses I never thought I could, fell in "love", passed a Christian Doctrine and Spirit- Filled Living class that quite frankly I shouldn't have and so much more. Just because my year didn't look like everyone elses doesn't mean I didn't complete it.
That's why I have a peace about leaving. I can get on the plane and say I'm not the same sarah that came here last July. I'm stronger..... which was the point of this year in the first place.
I'm proud of you.
ReplyDeleteSide note: If God wants to tell you something, He's not going to give the memo to anyone else but you. Only you know what God wants for your life.