Why I'm okay with going home....

 I started packing this morning... I've been at it for 2 hours and have giggled laughed and cried about 4 times... My emotional health is now just as messed up as the rest of me. Just when I needed it the most I got this message from a friend here....
:) I just want you to know I am amazed by you. This has probably been the hardest year of your life. and even though you may think you are barely getting by, you have walked this out with so much grace. and even though you may think you are an emotional wreck, you have walked this out with more joy than anyone could ask for. God has some incredible things in store for you. I just know it. You may not go back looking more different than you wanted, but you have been transformed. You have gone through this, and come out on the other side. No weapon formed against you shall prosper. youre like our modern day Job. One thing after another. its like right when you think it couldnt get worse it did. BUT in the midst, you never lost your hope in Jesus. You never denied Him or a love for him. sure you've been frustrated and questioning why, but you love him and it is evident. I love you much, I am inspired by you. Like for real. I dont know that I could have or would have walked this out as well as you have. You may be leaving us in the physically, but you are a part of this family. we are here for you. always. theres a special bond that God creates here at college, no one can break that. I'm proud of you and proud to call you friend. love you. thank you for letting me be a part of this journey with you. Cant wait to see what God does with all this. its gonna be incredible. All things that the enemy meant for evil, my Jesus will turn for good, to glorify Himself. He's a good God sarah, you know that in your heart, and still confess it with your mouth, and THAT is a huge testimony to anyone who sees and is in your life. Love you;) 

It was just what I needed to put my big girl panties on and get to work packing as much as I dont want to.
I'm getting so many conflicting feelings... I have people telling me that  God has told them for me to stay, people saying the Holy Spirit is saying go home go home and everything in between. I just want to be well... I want symptoms to stop and if that means I have to do it at home okay. I may be leaving a month or so early but that doesn't mean that this year has been a waste. I've grown more inside than I could ever explain to anyone. I'm a stronger Christian and heaps stronger person. I've learned how to rely on God and only Him. He's basically stripped away everything I ever thought or knew and rebuilt it with a better foundation..... and that my friends is worth every cent, stitch, pain, dr's appointment, humiliation, laugh, and tear that I've experienced here. I wrote songs, made life long friends, memorized verses I never thought I could, fell in "love", passed a Christian Doctrine and Spirit- Filled Living class that quite frankly I shouldn't have and so much more. Just because my year didn't look like everyone elses doesn't mean I didn't complete it.
That's why I have a peace about leaving. I can get on the plane and say I'm not the same sarah that came here last July. I'm stronger..... which was the point of this year in the first place.

Home again, Home again Jiggidy Jig- Surgery/home update

11 For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future- Jeremiah 29:11
This is one of the hardest blogs I’ve had to write for awhile.
As you know last Friday I had emergency surgery to remove a mass from my right ovary. Surgery went great but I’ve had a rough time recovering. Fever, infections, nausea, crazy blood counts and more…

After discussing things, with the Dr’s , school and family we have decided that maybe its best to return home to the states. The current plan, which could change at any point, is to return to Texas and stay with my Grandma in Dilley and recover. This way she can take care of me, drive me around,  ect…
Once I’m back on my feet health wise I will begin looking for a job somewhere and go on from there…
You may be reading this and thinking Wow.
Yes wow but I have to what is best for my health. This hasn’t been an easy decision and was made with lots of thoughts and prayer from myself and other wise council.  I don’t consider this “giving up” , “failing” or “throwing in the towel” this is me doing what’s best for me in the long run. I’ve now had 2 surgeries in a foreign country and that’s way more than I ever thought I could handle. God works in crazy crazy mysterious ways. He is my sovereign Healer and I feel His Peace in this situation.
We have found a ticket for $908 from Sydney to LA and $135 from LA to San Antonio for next week or the week after.  Now we need God to provide money for said ticket. The majority of my finances have been spent on Antibiotics, Pain medicine, Medical tests and sending people to and from the grocery store for food.  I know He will provide a way!
 If you feel that you can help in any way it would be greatly appreciably.

College Probs

I recently stumbled across the collegeprob's twitter and tumblr page... it made for great hours of entertainment as my body still hates me.... so here are some fav's

Home is where the heart is...

Today after spending a few hours being poked and prodded only to find out no reason for my fever...I got in Jareds car and said I want to go home. the closest thing to home here is outback or McDonalds so I  ordered him to Mickey D's despite my strict orders to return straight to bed......

Home is a word thats come up practically every day since I had surgery. Are you going home? Do you want to go home? What happens when you go  home? are you staying for second year or going home? How are your parents back at home handling this? and on and on...

Well I'm not quite sure where or what home is anymore.

If "home is where the heart is" ... then Home is here in Sydney.
If home is where I grew up then its in Snyder
If home is with my parents its Canada or Georgia....

I don't know where home is anymore really. I never thought I could leave Snyder home to so many of the people I care for and love... but I did. Now I have more people to care for and love spread out all over the world......
You'll have to excuse my mopey slightly depressing post but with everything going on im trying to keep my head above water. Someone last semester told me to be at home where ever you go which is something I've prayed for God to show me. My prayer is that I wouldn't wish away time being "home sick" for example while in Sydney I want to be in Snyder but while in Snyder over Christmas I wanted to be in Sydney. I have to constantly ask God to remind me that my "real true" home is with Him, so technically it doesn't matter where I am.

I have a " homesick" playlist on my computer that I listen to when I am feeling down... Its not really even call homesickness anymore... I think its people sickness :) any ways some of my favorites are
Can't go home- Sugarland and Bonjovi
Home- Michael Buble
House is not a home- Glee
Home home on the range
Broken Road- Rascal Flatts
Won't go home without you- maroon 5
Gettin you Home- Chris Young
Temporary Home- Carrie Underwood
And of course My favorite Home is Where the Heart is"-  Lady Antebellum


In other not as mopey annoying news I'm recovering okay. My incisions are looking super but.... ( there is always a but) I have an infection somewhere causing fever.... They ran some tests and should be in contact soon. In the meantime I'm loaded up on Augminten antibiotics to hopefully kill whatever it is thats making me fever and the chills... I had to ask for a blanket today and one of my friends was like woah your cold? this is a first.  I know huh?!

Anywhooo..... Love Yall Thanks for all the prayers and support!