Saturday, October 15, 2011

"I will try again tomorrow"

Courage does not always roar. Sometimes it is a quiet voice at the end of the day, saying.."I will try again tomorrow."
I stole this from my friend Jess's facebook.... I'm currently in Snyder fighting the urge to get in the car and run away to my bed in Austin. I feel defeated, I'd forgotten my love/hate relationship with my hometown. I'm struggling with my depression/anxiety being caused from my crazy hormones and female issues. It just makes it hard to stay calm and not freakout about silly thing :)
Stephanie my childhood friend gets married today! Out of the 6 PHRATS girls and Abby ( everyone I graduated with) all are married but me and corie! Corie's got her life in order though. I told myself before walking into a room full of people whom I haven't seen in a while " Sarah no your not married, yes they are happy and have babies, but you've been to Australia, you've lived and have a very blessed different life than them. Your not better than them and they aren't better than you... your life is just ... different. " 
I realized that its me whos disappointed in myself for not being in Australia anymore. I know I didn't fail..... Gods plans were just not my plans... I need to figure out what God wants me to do next. I need to find my "climbing partners" and jump back in the ball game and find what makes me happy. My friend ask me the other night what makes me happy and I point blank said I have no clue anymore. I know what i should say but I honestly don't know... 
I know that Spanish Inn makes me happy... especially when I'm with my aunt peggy! I also know that watching my childhood BFF walking down the asle in her fairytale wedding will make me happy. I had a blast on the way here driving and jamming to my musicals!
I'm being courageous in saying no I'm not happy but I'll try again tomorrow :) 

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